tommy is retared

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There are two eggs sitting in a carton in the refrigerator. The first egg says, "Sure is cold in here, eh?" The second egg replies, "Holy crap! A talking egg!"

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what happens when a hamster bites your arm? your arm bleeds

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Why didn't Suzie answer her mother? Suzie has a serious condition where she is mute and also severely deaf.

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why is caleb mears sucha perv? becasuee its calebbbb ahahahahahahah

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How many retards does it take to change a lightbulb?? None it is physically impossible

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Your momma's so fat that she can't pass through some turnstiles and needs go through some other way with people staring and feel sad about it.

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Your mom is so ugly- Wait, hold on. How are you born?

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The feds ruined the first underground, so in order for this to not happen you joined them?

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A dyslexic walks into church and asks the priest. "Father is there a dog."

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What's big and juicy and liked to be sucked by women? A penis.

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Communism hehe xd

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What did the American WWII soldier say to the Feudal-era samurai? Nothing, because the two lived on completely different continents and in completely different time periods.

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Knock Knock Who's there? Ash Oh hey Ash, I was expecting you, come on in!!

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A child is in class. He really has to go to the bathroom. The teacher tells him if he can recite the alphabet, he can go to the bathroom. The kid holds his breath and goes A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z. The teacher tells him good job and allows him to go to the bathroom. When the kid got there there was a man waiting in the stall who brutally raped and murdered the boy. when the teacher noticed the boy was gone for a long time, he went to check on him. When the teacher saw the dead naked body of the boy hanging from the ceiling, he shot himself. The teacher had a family of a wife and 3 sons. The principal of the school had to call the Wife and let her know about the tragedy. The principal also thought this would be a good time to tell the wife that her husband has been having a homosexual affair with him. The wife takes her three sons and drives off a bridge. They all die minus one son (age 14) who had to grow up on the street with other homeless men. He became addicted to crack and when he ran out of places to get money from he decided to rob his old home. He broke into the house and didn't know that a new family has moved in, a married couple and their 1 year old baby. He doesn't want to go to jail, so he kills the baby, spreads the blood all over the parents, ties the dad up and makes him watch his wife get raped, then he shoots the parents before putting the gun on himself. A police officer who responded to the scene had a heart condition and the scene of the crime caused him to have a heart attack. But, he got to the hospital in time and lived.

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why didnt the little boy say goodbye to his mom because he got hit by a bus

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A farmer hears a knock at the door on a rainy night. He opens the door and welcomes an attractive young man in. The farmer gets his budding teenage daughter to fetch the man a towel. He dries himself off, thanks them both, and goes to bed. He's gone before anyone else wakes up and leaves a fifty on the table.

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a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are stranded at sea,the brunette swims 1 quarter of the way to shore, gets tired and drowns.The redhead swims 3 quarters of the way to shore, gets tired and drowns. The blonde swims half the way to shore, gets tired and swims back.

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It is the conjoining of the two possible outcomes of the interstellar and post modern possibilities of the pasta sex god's niece's favorite colour after she falls off her bike whilst riding down a yellow slide after her twenty-seventh birthday when the two suns form a triangle in the night sky over the delta. Yes indeed that was good pudding.

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How many fat people does it take to screw in a light bulb? Three. One to hold the ladder, another to screw it in. The third one stands to the side, just in case it breaks.

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there were two cyclists cycling at a steady pace down a main road in china, one irish and the other chinese. now they happened to be cycling at exactly the same time and exactly the same pace. why did the irish cyclist get pulled over and the chinese not? because the irish cyclist had in fact brutally raped and murdered a young child in his home town and then fled the country to china.

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Tilt your screen back .

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Why did the chicken crose the rode? Because there was a 10 foot scorpion chaseing it

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what did the black guy say to the white guy? black guy: hello how are you doing white guy: good i guess.... just heard they shut down KFC black guy: that sucks

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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