Why I am at the hospital now: True as it gets. I found on my working desk a small box of fluoride pills, I was like meh, but it said banana, strawberry, mint and pear, so I was like yeah! And grabbed a mouthful before going URGH! Then my friends entered laughing saying "I hope you do well on that test tomorrow!" So yeah, I passed out, and it turns out my "friends" (victims ill torture to they beg for death). 80 MG OF VALIUM!!! Yeah good trucking luck on my test eh? I nearly died twice, somehow, I think I should ask doc if my heart is okay or something, my head is fucked up the floor is all wavy and I cant differentiate numbers Seriously, one guy was gonna come visit say sorry, but he sent his girlfriend instead... My wife was so worried, that when I said: Mind if I have my vengeance by screwing his girlfriend? My wife said: I was so worried, you still okay? That actually sounds like a good scheme... So, yeah... I am typing this because, I am totally going to have a threesome... When and if my ever wakes up again... She agreed... She was always kinda into me but still! If you dont understand this, well... Next time, if you want to poison me, USE SOMETHING THAT KILLS ME! BECAUSE I WILL BE BACK!

thumb_up thumb_down -3

What is worse than braking a fingernail, Learing that a clown raped your entire family

thumb_up thumb_down -3

what's worse than biting into an apple with a worm in it~? lots of things.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Why is Dave's baby dead? Because his wife threw it into the path a Big-rig.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Blonde: what does IDK stand for? Brunette: it stands for I Don't Know Blonde: okay, I get it now

thumb_up thumb_down -3

What is the best thing in the world? The opposite of the worst thing in the world.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Roses are nice, violets are fine, ill be the 6, if you be the 9!

thumb_up thumb_down -3

i had a black friend once......just kidding

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Q: How are a plum and a rabbit alike? A: They're both purple, except for the rabbit.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Q: Why was the little girl upset? A: Because she drank a window cleanser, causing her vital organs to shut down, ending in a slow, painful, death.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

How do you call a cat for it's dinner? Come here cat!

thumb_up thumb_down -3

a chicken and a rooster walk into a bar. and then walk out because a bar is no place for a chicken and a rooster.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

"Why did Suzie fall off the swing?" "She had no arms." "What did Suzie get for Christmas?" "Cancer." "What's the difference between a Lamborghini and a tub of dead babies?" "I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage." "What did Suzie get for Christmas from me?" "My tub of dead babies."

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Ducks smell too dog like animal farms riverside Chinese tofu hat hairy and eat beanie.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

roses are red violet is blue why rik go to the hospital ? cause he eat glue.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

An American, a German, and a Mexican walk quickly into a room. They were late for a work meeting.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Jimmy is taking a walk to Dairy Queen he walks into an allyway where he is shot with a 44 magnum and later dies in hospital his family morns

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Friend: Hey dude, you wanna come to my house after school and do some Meth? Other Friend: Nah I dont wanna get scabs all over my skin, disgusting teeth, and im not in the mood for dying early. Im good here.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

How do you kill a jew? Same way you would anyone

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Jesus walks into a hotel, slams four nails down on the counter, and says, "Put me up for the night!" The concierge looks at him and says, "You're not Jesus. Jesus was brutally murdered approximately 1,970 years ago. And although I may not be a believer, his teachings have brought comfort and solace to millions of people around the world. Nor do we accept nails as payment. Please remove yourself from the premises or I will call security."

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Roses are red Violets are blue Daises are white And Pansies hold hands and skip

thumb_up thumb_down -3

-Why was little Johnny sad? >Why? -Because he had a frog stapled to his forehead.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

"Knock knock" "Who's there?" "GESTAPO! AUFMACHEN!!!"

thumb_up thumb_down -3

why did the man paint his house? cause he never wanted to mow the lawn

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops