Your adopted

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Q: Why couldn't Billy breathe? A: Because when the truck ran over him his lungs were crushed.

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All the kids at school we're playing soccer on a sunny day except Jenny, because she had a headache and didn't come to school that day

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Did you hear about the two guys that stole a calender? They each got six months.

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When the mom came home from work, she was very tired. Her son asked her nicely to make him a PB&J sandwich. She says sure and makes one for him. The boy was very happy and ate his sandwich. I was actually lying above. The mom was actually killed by three men in hoodies that were hiding in her backyard. The came inside and also murdered the boy. Worst of all the killers took all of the food and the rasberries the boy was looking forward to eat, Guess it doesn't matter since he is gone...

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Roses are red, Violets are blue. Go home and hang yourself.

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Why did the car drink Slurpies? I don't know. Why? Doorknob. Carl was unsure on what his friend, Frank meant when he told his joke, but then again who IS sure? Frank is the only one who truly knows what happened that day on August 13th 2010 when his mother came over for a surprise visit to her son's house just as Frank was heading out the door about to get in his truck and buy groceries, unaware that his mother was standing outside and bending over to ring the door bell not to expect Frank opening the door with his quick and violent actions thus hitting his mother in the face as the door swung open. Frank hadn't known his mother was at his house nor even remembered him but there she was, past out bleeding to death on his front lawn. It was Frank's fault that day, when his mother past away and reason why Frank hides his anger through his jokes. If only he hadn't opened that door he tells himself every night. Now he's cursed himself with his odd humour of using doorknobs as punchlines to hide his grief of his loss. And with that, Carl replies; Ummm.... I don't get it.

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Why did Sally drop her ice cream? Because she got hit by a bus Knock Knock Who's there? Not Sally

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What do you call a shop dedicated to selling rap music, watermelons, grape soda and fried chicken? A poor business model

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Nickelback.

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Why is bobsledding the coolest sport? Because this is my subjective opinion.

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If you were a pie I'd eat you

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Three men stumble upon an ancient lamp in the desert. They sell it to a museum and split the profits evenly.

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What did the young man's clothes smell like after a long night of partying? Laundry detergent, it was quite pleasant

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Why Did The Horse Cross The Road? He Couldn't Because He Was Still-born

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Why is it stupid to call your son Bethany? It is commonly a girl's name.

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the next time someone says "yolo" im going to pull out my shotgun and reply "sadly..."

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If rocks were people, what would you call a bunch of marble rolling down a hill? Rocks don't have the ability to be people.

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How does a boy with no arms or legs cross the street? He doesn't

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Knock knock. MAN: Who's there? HOOKER: The hooker you called for. MAN: Oh, dear lord. My wife hasn't left yet. I need you to come back in fifteen minutes. WIFE: Honey, who is it? MAN: It's the hooker I called for, but you haven't left. I told her to come back in fifteen minutes.

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what's the easiest way to tell time? a clock

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Two great white sharks are swimming in the ocean together, one turns to the other to speak, but doesn't because sharks can't talk.

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What is white and weighs twice as much as Shamoo? My ass.

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Q: What's blue and yellow all over? A: A baby at the bottom of the pool with a slashed floatie. Q: What's red and yellow all over? A: A floatie at the top of a pool with a slashed baby.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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