What do you say to a dead man who knocks on your door? Nothing, you shoot him cause he's a zombie

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Man :A homo-sexual panda walks into a gay bar. Homo-sexual Panda : Wait...wait I'm gonna stop you right there. I will not take part in this odd joke, so just ummmmmm ya. And another thing, my species is extremely offended by your inferior remarks. Why can't homosexual panda just have piece?

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:D STORY TIME! :D ... :D So once upon a time there was a... :) Uhm... :\ I forgot... Sorry :(

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Why didn't the Alzheimers patient put on her shoes? She didn't leave the elderly home that day, thus taking away the need to put on shoes.

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Stephen Hawking walks into a bar.

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Do you know what kind of world I dream of? Until you tell me, no I don't. How could I? I'm not telepathic, after all.

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A man found a magic lamp. He rubbed it and a genie emerged from the lamp. The genie asked what his new master's wishes were. The man wished for asthma.

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What's the difference between Barney the dinosaur and Santa? Barney Loves you.

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Obama

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A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Why the long face?" The horse says "Well, it's a long story but I tell you. You see, one day I was walking along the beach and I found a dusty old lamp. I rubbed the lamp and a big magic genie appeared. He told me I could have 3 wishes." The horse continues: "So I told the genie I wish I had a 10 billion dollars. I checked my bank account and sure enough it came true. My second wish was I wished for a beautiful wife. Suddenly a light came from the sky like an angel falling and I saw a beautiful woman and fell in love with her." The bartender says to the horse "Let me guess, so for your third wish, did you wish you were a horse with a long face?" The horse says "No that's not what I wished for." The bartender asks "What was your third wish?" The horse says "Well you won't believe me but I wished I was a bartender pretending to talk to a horse about some genie granting him wishes." After about 30 minutes of arguing with himself, other employees at the bar had had enough of the bartender talking to himself and called psychiatric personnel to escort the bartender to the mental hospital as his schizophrenia is getting worse.

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how do you keep a monkey from stealing your banana? shoot it

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Roses are red, my name is Dave, this poem makes no sense, microwave

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Why was the boy sad? He had a frog stapled to his face.

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What do you call a black person who can't see? Blind

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This statement is false.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the gay guys house Knock Knock Who's there? The chicken

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Knock, knock. Who's there? "Dwane!" I don't know any Dwane. Perhaps you have the wrong address. "Oh. Sorry to have bothered you!"

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Why couldn't the black guy vote? He was only 17.

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Why did Sally fall off the swing? She had no arms. Knock, knock! Who's there? Not Sally.

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why did the black go to the KFC because he likes fried chicken

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how does a chinese chick check if she's pregnant? swallows a rubix cube and if it comes out solved shes pregnant

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Why did the man eat the turnip greens? Because he was morbidly obese, and needed to maintain a proper diet.

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I have a horse.

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Whats big orange and likes to eat rocks? a big orange rock eater

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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