There once was an old man. He had worked hard his whole life to make sure his children got everything they needed, and that they were always happy. He had a beautiul life and a great big house with a marvelous view of the ocean. In time his kids moved away, and his wife died. The old man was left all by himself in the great big house, and sometimes the emptiness of the house reminded him of the emptiness of his own heart. He very seldom cried though, and kept all of his emotions inside. One day it all became to much for him and he took his own life in the silence of his great big empty house. I was that ocean.

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Q: How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart? You don't. You just shut up and listen.

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A blonde, a brunette and a redhead are all on a deserted island with no food or water. The redhead decides to try and swim to safety, but after a few hours of swimming she becomes to tired to carry on and drowns. After knowing their friend died, the two other women decide that swimming is not a viable option for rescue, so they decide to stay on the island. A few days later a search party rescues them.

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What made Qtip's so dangerous? Q-tip's music

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What's blue and wiggles? A baby in a bag

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Build a man a fire and he will be warm for a night, set a man on fire and he will be warm for the rest of his life.

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3 like an eel

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So a horse walks into a bar, oh wait Sarah Jessica Parker

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What's yellow and talks? A talking giraffe.

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Why are there so many little girls falling off swing jokes? Because you tuch youself at night.

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Why couldn't the hobo buy any clothes? They did not have his size available.

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how many drunk drivers does it take to drive home one and only one, if more than one drunk driver tried to drive home at the same time in the same car they would surely crash and not make it home.

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Why did they name the team mavericks and why Was the maskot a horse? Because 50 years ago they found a blue horse And its name was maverick

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What did the muffin, say to the other muffin? Nothing. Because muffin's are inanimate objects, therefore incapable of speech, or any other sentient action. They baked quietly until the man who was baking them came to the conclusion they were fit for consumption, devoured them, and went on with his day.

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A baby tastes grapefruit juice for the first time. She is allergic and immediately begins convulsing and dies.

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What do you call a jewish womans boobs? JUBES!

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What is the difference between a mallard with a cold and you? One is a sick duck I forget how this ends, but your mother is a whore.

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Have you tried Ethiopian food? -no -well it's really good

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My dog poops u pick it up if i poop ill say f@#% you eat it DumbS%^&

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What do you call a dinosaur that doesn't lay eggs? A male dinosaur

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Why did the girl eat a sandwich? because she was thirsty

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What did john say to dave when his grandfather died ?

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why did the chicken cross the road? because he was very hungrey and saw some seed on the other side.

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Sometimes i like to paint myself red and then curl up into a ball and pretend i'm a tomato.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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