What is so sad about 5 black people going over a cliff in a Ferrari? That was my Ferrari by darragh hamilton

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A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as this could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

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Q: where was Johnny during the bombing? A: everywhere

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Why is Michael Jackson a bad chess player? Because he's dead.

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Roses are red, violets are blue When I cut you, you bleed

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why did the other chicken cross the road peer pressure

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What did the first ant say to the second ant? Nothing. Ants are incapable of communicating via speech.

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woman's rights

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Why was Timmy sad? because he had a frog stapled to his face.

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What did the lawyer say to the other lawyer? We're both lawyers.

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What's worse than one bee sting? Two bee stings. What's worse than two bee stings? The holocaust? What's worse than the holocaust? Three bee stings.

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Did you hear about the new brand of shovel? Yeah, it's pretty groundbreaking.

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Hi

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a piece of string walks into a bar and the bartender says “sorry we dont serve your kind here” so the string goes outside twists himself round and ruffles up one of his ends then walks back into the bar, the bartender says “aren’t you the piece of string i just kicked out?” the string then replies “i’m a frayed knot”

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Knock knock The boy doesn't answer because it's dangerous to open your door to strangers while home alone.

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What do you call a woman in a kitchen ? There rightful place.

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Why was the Asian girl doing a math problem? It was her homework that her teacher assigned her class.

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What did the old man say to the young man? Nothing, the old man was dead.

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Why did the black man get some Kool-Aid? Because he was thirsty, and thought Kool-Aid would be able to quench his thirst.

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What did John look at when Meghan Fox took off her shirt? her undershirt

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A man and a midget walk into a bar each carrying a suitcase. They were stopping by after work.

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Why did Teresa fall off the swing? She had no arms. Who is knocking at the door? Not Teresa.

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What did the man do when he went in the bathroom he took a crap wiped his butt and washed his hands and went back to meet his family at the dinner table

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Q: Did you hear about the fire at the circus? A: It was in tents!

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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