Roses are Red grass is greener every time i think of you i touch my weiner

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Q:What's colorful and waves like a flag? A: A flag.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Yo mama is so short, she has trouble reaching the top shelf.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

What's worse than getting raped by a bear? Getting raped by two bears.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as that could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Whats the best day of the week? Sponge

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Jack and jill went up a hill to get some water. Jack fell down, twisted his ankle, and continued to roll. He broke his spine and collar bone and he was later taken to the hospital. Later that night he died because the doctors couldn't do anything. Jill then killed herself in mourning.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Why did Sally have a headache? She had a Brian tumor the size of an eggplant.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Why did the man kill his friend? How am I supposed to know

thumb_up thumb_down +24

what's grosser then 1000 babies stapled to a tree?? 1 baby stapled to 1000 trees

thumb_up thumb_down +24

How do you tell the difference between a politician and a reindeer? A politician is an employee who works under a strict firm of a government department while a reindeer is a large, grazing ungulate in the family Cervidae that is native to subarctic polar regions of North America.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Whats worse than getting raped by a giant scorpion? Getting raped by two giant black scorpions.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Yo mama is so old, that it's becoming apparent that she is most likely developing severe senial dementia

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Q: How do you know a chinese guy robbed your house? A: your homework is done, your computer is updated, and 2 hours later he is still trying to back out of your driveway

thumb_up thumb_down +24

roses are red violets are blue sugar is sweet and grass is green due to the fact that there is chlorophyll in it.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Roses are red, Violets are dead, I've climbed through your window, I'm under your bed.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Whats worse that having cold soup? Cancer

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Why can't Vampires go out in the sunlight? Because they don't exist.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Why couldn't little Jeffy find his way to gumdrop palace? Because he was shot

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Don't tease the fat kids. They have enough on their plates.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Why Is Six Afraid of Seven? because he is black.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Why the long face?" The horse answers, "Because I'm an alcoholic."

thumb_up thumb_down +24

When is a door not a door? When your house burns down.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

What did one rock say to the other rock? Nothing. Rocks can't talk, idiot.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops