What did the raped girl get for Christmas? Pregnant.

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Why did the girl fall out of the swing? Because she had no arms.

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Why was little David sad? His father got hit by a truck.

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I was hungrey then i saw a man puke. Im still very hungrey. Then i threw up. Im not so hungrey

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If a blonde and a brunette fell off a cliff who would reach the ground first? The blonde because she was fatter.

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How many eskimos does it take to build an igloo? It depends... probably about six or seven.

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When life gives you lemons, squeeze them in someone's eyes.

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What did the farmer say when the potatoes were ready for harvest? The potatoes are ready for harvest.

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I used play skyrim...but then I realsied I had a lot of exams so I had to stop

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An alcoholic is someone you don't like who drinks as much as you do.

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"What time is it?" "Time to buy a watch." The homeless man inquiring about the time proceeded to cry.

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how do you prevent a chicken from contracting aids?? you make him a little chicken condom.

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How many Woman does it take to change a lightbulb? none they had a back up lamp

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how did the kenyan get away from the cup He didnt he got arrested

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How many pancakes does it take to make a dog house? None because alligators don't fly.

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There was a boy named Steven, a son of a rich business man. Steven was an interesting child though, as he always kept care to one of his possessions. That possession being a plain, old, brown box. On Steven's fourth birthday his father said he could have anything in the world he wanted, just name it. Steven said he wanted two quarters to put in his box. The father agreed and gave his son two quarters to put in his box. Every year the father would say he could have anything he wished for, and Steven just asked for two quarters. Nothing more. On Steven's 18th birthday he got into a severe car crash. The father stood over the hospital bed where Steven lay. "I can get you the best doctors in the world. They can save you, please let me get you this for your birthday!" The boy shook his head. "All I want is two quarters" Steven replied. The father was distraught. "Son, tell me why you've wanted these two quarters every year you have been alive instead of anything else in the world". The boy complied. "Fine I'll tell you." Then Steven died before he could tell the father. The End.

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why did the man pee in public? ... he couldnt hold it in.

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Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

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what did the duck with roller skates say to the camel? how are the wife and kids?

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A manly man drives up in a yellow bug, What do the girls think? They think its very manly! (;

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Roses are red Violets are blue and oranges are orange nothing rhymes with orange

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Why did the duck turn black? an oil spill

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What do you call a fish without an eye? Impaired of vision.

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John: Knock knock Jack: Who's there? John: Whale Jack: I don't know a Whale, go away. John violently rips off Jack's cock in becaus he's sick of his shit.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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