- Anti Joke

your mamma so fat... she went to hell.

What do you call it one an Arab and a Jew get married? Love.

Who won the race between the turtle and the hare? Well, odds are the two creatures wouldn't race given that animals do not speak. However, if they were, the hare would most likely win a land race because of its powerful legs and agility. However, if the turtle happened to be a seaturtle and the race took place underwater, our dear little beloved turtle would win, having the advantage over the rabbit.

Why couldn't Timmy ride his bike? He didn't have a bike, his family was very poor and did have much money. Therefore a bike for Timmy was the last of their concerns.

Bill: Knock, Knock. Sean: Who's there? Bill: It's your neighbor, Bill Walters, from across the street. Sean: Oh, hey Bill, how are you and Margie? Bill: Oh, I'm doing fine, but Margie just got out of the hospital for a broken arm. Sean: My gosh, what happened. Bill: She was just loading the Halloween decorations down from the attic while I wasn't home and fell. She's fine though; it was only a minor fracture. Sean: Well thank goodness she alright. Bill: Anyway, I came over to return those hedge clippers I borrowed from you last month. Sean: Oh, thank you. How did they work? Bill: Just great once I gave them a coat of oil. It was a big job... I haven't trimmed those bushes in three years. Sean: Yeah, these clippers have belonged to my grandfather, father, and me. Bill: Darn, thats quite amazing, I wish I could get a pair of those, but I doubt they still make them. Sean: I'm pretty confident they don't, but you can borrow these anytime. Bill: Thanks Sean thats very generous of you. Sean: No problem, I almost never use them myself. Well I better get back to Jeanie...I'm helping her make dinner. Bill: Alright, Well thanks again.

A duck, a goose, a turkey and a bald eagle were all flying together. All four of them were shot and killed by drunk hunters with machine guns. The hunters were promptly arrested by police authorities for shooting their national symbol. They were found guilty, and the other three birds were cooked for their last meals.

There was an old lady from Ealing Who had a peculiar feeling She lay on her back Opened her crack And pissed all over the ceiling The old lady then lay in her own waste for over two weeks due to neglect by uncaring nursing home staff. Six months later, a hidden camera documentary on underperforming care homes exposed the abuse and neglect and the old lady went to live with her son and his family. In the early hours of May 14th 2011, the whole family were killed in a house fire that gutted the home and saw fires spread to neighbouring houses. Firefighters say the blaze originated in the spare room and was caused by exposed wiring on an electrical blanket. Forensic experts said that the repeated urination on the blanket would likely corrode the wiring due to the acidic content of urine.

why is ur dad an alcoholic? he drinks a lot of alcohol

What do you get when you cross a dog with a cat? Nothing, it is impossible to mix 2 different animals

Why was Cathy sad. Her husband Drew was killed by a land mine on a peace keeping mission to Iraq.

What's the difference between a watermelon and a baby? One is fun to smash with a sledgehammer. The other is a baby.

A family walks into a talent agency. It's a father, mother, son, daughter and dog. The father says to the talent agent, "We have a really amazing act. You should represent us." The agent says, "Sorry, I don't represent family acts. They're a little too cute." The mother says, "Sir, if you just see our act, we know you would want to represent us." The agent says, "OK. OK. I'll take a look." The father begins by juggling some balls. The mother pulls out her harmonica and begins playing "Dixie". The children and dog try and get the dog to jump through a hoop. For the longest time, the agent just sits in silence. Finally, he manages, "That's a hell of an act. What do you call it?" And the father says, "The Aristocrats!"

so a man walks into a bar..... and says ouch.

A Jewish man answered his phone one day. The man on the line said he'd kill him and all his family. The Jewish man then hung up the phone and resumed his everyday life.

A man finds a woman stumbling around on the street... So he asks sarcastically "what drugs are you on?" The lady starts crying and says "I was raped"

What goes down well with whiskey? Pedestrians

You know why Michael J. Fox makes really good milkshakes? ... because he uses the best ingredients

You: Why did hitler go to hell? Them: Why? You: You're an idiot.

How do u say hi to a black person JUST SAY HI RACIST

Whats the difference between a car and a baby? I would have a hard time throwing a car.

A man walks into a bar. He says ouch.

Why did the chicken cross the road? It didn't, as it was locked safely in the chicken coop.

jim davidson , nick griffin , and bernard manning walk into a bar , and order a bitter, a lager, and a stout respectfully

I don't always drink beer, but when I do, I have a pint or two.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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