What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Stolen property that you should return immediately because the consequences of shop-lifting can prevent you from getting a good job and might land you in prison.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

david what a baghead

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Q: What did the forgetful person say to the other? A:

thumb_up thumb_down +5

A blond walks into a hair dresser's wearing a pair of headphones. The hair dresser tells the blond to take the headphones off so she can cut the blond's hair. The blond says that if they take off the headphones, then they'll die. The hair dresser works around the headphones, but finally needs to cut underneath the headphones. The hair dresser forces the blond to take the headphones off and nothing happened.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Why did the little boy fall of his bicycle? It was the first time he road without his training wheels.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

A man gets a new job working for his boss. The boss gives him more and more work and less pay. The man finely gets fed up, beats his boss in a fight, quits his job, and starts his own business. Historians later speculated that the man's life would serve as a perfect national allegory for the USA.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

a man walks into a bar, only it was an alternate universe so there were dogs running the bar. the bartender dog called human control because it was unsanitary to have a human in a bar. the human was then escorted out by another dog and was taken to a hotel where he received no continental breakfast.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

How do you make a plumber cry? Kill his family.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

A. Why did the chicken cross the road? B. I don't know, why? A. I asked first.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Who is stupid and no one likes him. Me. :(

thumb_up thumb_down +5

why was six afraid of seven? prison changes a person

thumb_up thumb_down +5

What's 6 inches long and 2 inches wide and can drive a woman crazy? Money

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Your mamma's so dumb, she's had problems functioning in society, due to illiteracy problems, and a general incomprehension of her surroundings and own thoughts.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Roses are red Violets are red I'm bleeding quite profusely and should probably go to the hospital.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

what did Dr. Dre say? Nothing you idiots! Dr. Dre's dead!

thumb_up thumb_down +5

say it ten times fast: oh

thumb_up thumb_down +5

what's worse, ten babies stapled to a tree or one baby stapled to ten trees?

thumb_up thumb_down +5

your mother is so heavily obese, she became one of the 60 million individuals in America who are obese today.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

What's black and white and red all over? Nothing, because if it's black and white, it can't be red.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

What is the difference between a Mexican and an a pile of crap? One is disgusting and unsanitary and the other is a pile of crap.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Why is it bad luck for a black cat to cross your path? I'll tell you in Heaven

thumb_up thumb_down +5

How do you blind an Asian man You stab him six times in each eye socket and drop cyan pepper in his eye wound.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

what does the monster eat after going to the dentist? the dentist

thumb_up thumb_down +5

What did the Golden Retriever say when asked about the meaning of life? woof.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops