Chuck Norris was once approached by a woman for whom he had to fight a man to obtain all while doing a mundane activity in an unorthodox manner. He promptly declined for he is married and told the man he only fights for self-defense. He proceeded to put his pants on one leg at a time like everybody else.

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Doctor, doctor, I think I've got a problem! Correct, you have got acute cancer, you have 2 months to live.

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A man walks into a bar and the bartender says "Sorry sir we're closed" So the man goes: "Oh, okay. I wasn't sure if you guys were open till' 10pm tonight" and the bartender goes "No, thats only on the weekends" The man thanks the bartender and proceeded to leave the bar. He now knows the arrive earlier the following day.

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How do you wake up lady gaga? Poke 'er face.

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Three children had stumbled into an old cottage where they were met by a wizard. The wizard pointed out a slide in the corner of his cottage. He told the children that they could each go down the slide and that they could shout out a word while sliding. He told them that what ever they shouted, they would land in a pool of it at the bottom of the slide. So the first child began sliding and shouted out "GOLD" and sure enough he landed in a large pool of solid gold. Due to its extreme hardness the child was killed immediately on impact.

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Chuck Norris walks into a bar, the bartender says ouch.

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Q:How do you kill Chuck Norris ? A:You don't , He kills you first.

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Whats red and smells like blue paint? Red Paint.

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Q: What is a laptop that sings? A: A Dell

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ask me if i have a place to call home> 'have you a place to call home?' no im sad and lonely.

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What is white, black and blue all over? A zebra that was assaulted by Chuck Norris.

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Why did the teacher's cat die? It had cat herpes and feline immunodeficiency virus

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Yo mama soooooo dumb! You should really take her to a doctor, she might actually suffer from mental retardation, I'm just concerned about her.

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roses are red violets are blue do i care? no.

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Yo mama is so fat, she just had a heart-attack.

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A Chinese man and an African man walk into a bar. Its good to see so much multiculturalism in a usually racist society.

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What did the apple say to the grape? Nothing, fruit are incapable of speaking

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A family has been forced out of their house by ghosts. Who are they gonna call?... Their insurance company.

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How many people buried in a cemetery are dead? All of them.

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what did the chickpea say to the raison when he got called big but? Atleast i dont have a stick up my but.

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How man people does it take to screw in a light bulb? 1 an electrician

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Its over 9000 penises and they're all raping little children!!!!!

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i have a story to tell u!!! oh s*** i forgot!

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"Is this the Krusty Krab ?" I'M TIRED OF YOUR SHIT TYRONE.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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