Nero7 How are you doing? This is "Eliza" I hope I will be joining, but I cannot reach you by phone, please respond ASAP time is running out.

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Beans, beans, are good for your heart the more you eat the less hungry you are.

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How come Billy can only swim in circles? His right arm and right leg were amputated because he scraped his left arm.

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Okay, hundred billions, and because I am fucking hungry, we make it perpetual, now the longer you keep the feeling going, the stronger and stronger and you know, trillions, indefillions, nondecillions, hell, make up your own numbers and just consider them higher. Bet its starting to feel pretty nice huh?

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because that's where the oncologist's office is.

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a horse walks into a bar the bartender says "why such the long face?" the horse is now crying in tears because the bartender made him. by Brennan pickrell

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What is the name of the mermaid on the Starbucks logo? No one knows, she ran away many years ago of shame. It's undiscovered why.

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How do you get the icing in the middle of a cupcake? Cupcake raper...Duh

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What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean? A tragedy almost unparalleled in marine history.

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How do you make a plumber sad? You kill his family.

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What do accountants do when they're constipated? Take a laxative and eat plenty of fiber.

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A man looks both ways before crossing the street. He gets hit by an airplane.

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I took your mother out for a classy steak dinner. I decided not to call her agian because we weren't very compatible and the conversation was very superficial.

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Teacher: Why didn't you do your homework? Student: My friends told me not to. Teacher: So if your friends tell you to go jump off a bridge, would you do it? Student: Well, it all depends on if I land on a fat kid. Like Chubb. Chubb: Yeah, I know, my eating habit, i-i-its a big problem. -Payden R.

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What's red and smells like green paint? Red Paint

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What are the similarites between Autistic people and dead people? They are both very poor in social situations

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What do you call a white duck? A quacker

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Jamie Oliver eats a chip

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Why did the mexican wash his car? The car was dirty

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Why did dave not hug his wife? becuase he said she looked horrifying from the war in iraq.

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A man goes to the doctor and complains: "Doctor, my Viagra hasn't worn off! It's been over eight hours!" The doctor replies "You were bitten by a banana spider. You have one day to live.

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How do you make a hobo cry? You steal his trash.

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Q:your jetski loses a wheel. how many pancakes does it take to fix your house? A:blue berry icecream.

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Your mother is so fat because she inherited poor genes and dietary habits from her own parents.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops