Did you hear the one about the guy who went his whole life without ever telling a joke? He was still funnier than David Letterman.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

An Asian girl is playing with a rubber band. She accidentally slings it into her eye, cries, and receives immediate attention from her mother.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Why did everyone want to hang out with the mushroom? They didn't. In fact the mushroom's social anxiety had developed to the stage that he had frequent contemplations of self-harm and is in serious need of extensive therapy.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

What's green and has wheels? A frog in a wheelchair

thumb_up thumb_down +5

a man and his son pull up out side b&q and the man says to his son run in there and get me a black n decker and the boy goes in and is standing in the power tools isle and he looks round and there is a lady standing next to him so he hit her, the woman happened to be black and 2 minutes later a security guard rushes round and says son what did u do that for and the son said my dad told me to come in and get a black n decker!

thumb_up thumb_down +5

So a guy goes to his doctor because he thinks he has an STD. He asks the doctor "how bad is it doc?" to which the doctor replies "Well, I got the test results and it doesn't look good. You've got chlamydia, gonorrhea, and onomatopoeia. The guy asks "What's onomatopoeia?" The doctor replies "It's exactly what it sounds like"

thumb_up thumb_down +5

How do you get a blond out of tree? Shoot her in the head.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

NO IT IS MINE! ALL MINE!

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Why was the trash man feeling sad about his life? Because he had a mild case of depression to which his doctor recommended taking antidepressant pills.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

If life hands you melons you might be dyslexic

thumb_up thumb_down +5

What do you get when you cross a dog with an anteater? An animal unlikely to survive beyond infancy.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Why did Susie start shaking? She had continuous ceasars

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Why is a cookie like a jellyfish? Because it has no bones. (Contributed by my 4-year old boy)

thumb_up thumb_down +5

A jew enters a mall.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

What did the man say to his wife. Hi

thumb_up thumb_down +5

How many people can you fit in an oven? Six million, according to Hitler.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

I went out back to bury my hoe.. with a hoe..

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Your momma is so black, that her melanin levels are relatively high.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

a man walks into a bar, he tells the bartender "im not a part of this SYSTEM"

thumb_up thumb_down +5

What did the dog say to the astro turf? SHUT UP!! I don't want to here your excuses, put the dishes away when you're done with them or so help me! You see the dog had been abused as a puppy and as a result he was always a bit off.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

In my eyes Nero, you are much like a philosopher, the kind which are mocked while they live, and then a couple thousands years later, are recognized as the most intelligent beings of their time.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

What looks like a lion, sounds like a lion, and feels like a lion? A lion Ba dum chh

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Q:whats big white and falls out of trees A:a refrigerator

thumb_up thumb_down +5

a cow walked into a bar and asked for a large whiskey on the rocks, 'long day, eh' said the barman, 'yes' replied the cow, 'first a large moving obstical was cutting down my food, and then my friend was raped from his milk.'

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops