Q. Why did the man die? A. Natural Causes

thumb_up thumb_down

Santa Claus and eight reindeers walk into a bar. “Hey, fatty,” the barman shouts. “Where’s Rudolph?” “He’s dead,” Santa replied. “I’m sorry to hear that,” the barman said, looking embarrassed. “Let me get you a drink.”

thumb_up thumb_down

What's worse than hitting your funny bone? Nothing

thumb_up thumb_down

whats awesome? a blade of grass with a mexican hat and a revolver.

thumb_up thumb_down

You know what they say... Big feet Lawn-mower

thumb_up thumb_down

Why didn't Suzie ride her bike? Suzie's mother aborded her. She was never born.

thumb_up thumb_down

why was six afraid of seven It wasnt. numbers are not sentient or tangible and thus are incapable of feeling fear

thumb_up thumb_down

Roses are red Violets are blue. most poems rhyme but this one doesn't!

thumb_up thumb_down

if a fat guy in a red suit comes into your house on christmas. its not santa your about to get raped from chewy(:

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Man comes home and sees another dying man lying in the center of his house. He yells at the man, "HEY I DONT KNOW YOU" The man on the floor replies, "That's funny, my family used to say the same thing"

thumb_up thumb_down -2

What do you call a big group of Chinese people on Mars? An extraordinary feat for the Chinese space program and a historic day in human history, where a particular country has set up the first human colony on another planet and we have proven to ourselves that our race is capable of interplanetary travel and can accomplish anything if we set our minds to it.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Did you fall on your head when you were a baby Oh, Im very sorry.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

I'm so stupid that I'm posting on Anti Jokes!

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Crime doesn't pay. Sure it does

thumb_up thumb_down -2

You are in a room with hitler and bin Ladin. You have a gun with 1 bullet. Who do shoot? Don't worry you don't have to make that decision. They are already both dead

thumb_up thumb_down -2

You are in an airplane, and you have 500 bricks. You throw one out the door. How many do you have? 499. What are the 3 steps to putting an elephant in a fridge? 1-open the door,2-put the elephant in,3-close the door. How do you put a giraffe in the fridge? You open the door, take the elephant out, put the giraffe in, and shut the door. The lion king is having a party for all the animals… which one didn't go? The giraffe, it's in the fridge. An old lady is trying to cross an alligator infested river. She makes it over. How? The alligators are at the party. She dies anyway. How? She gets hit by the brick you threw out of the window.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Why didn't the Mexican have a job? Because stereotypes made employers unjustly reluctant to hire a hard-working, competent man.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

what is similar between a turtle losing its shell, and a man selling his chlothes and house? they are now both naked and homeless

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Where did Sally go when the bomb went off? Everywhere.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

A grasshopper walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Hey, we have a drink named after you!" Surprised, the grasshopper replies, "You have a drink named 'Bob'?"

thumb_up thumb_down -2

What did the man do when his truck was stolen? He contacted the police, who immediately began searching for the culprit. He then contacted his car insurance company and was soon compensated for the full value of his truck. One day the man was in his new truck listening to the local news and heard that the thief was found and convicted of Grand Theft Auto; his name was Martin Kaiser.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

What did the boy with no arms and legs get for Christmas? A. Treadmil

thumb_up thumb_down -2

On Wednesday night, a drunk man was walking on the cliffs of dover. his funeral was saturday.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

A guy walks up to a girl and says: " hey can I have your number so can I have your text you later?" she says " no" he says " why ?" she says" guess" He says " look if you don't like me thats okay, " he gets up and walks away, turns out she doesn't have a cell phone, she was gonna give him her house number to call.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops