When did Rick Santorum realize he was gay? When we woke up with a bloody condom in his ass.

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Why did the man lose the spelling bee? He was mentally retarded and had no friends.

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Q: Wanna hear a dirty joke? A: A kid fell in the mud.

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My wife told me that I should see things from a woman's point of view. So I looked out the kitchen window.

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Why wouldn't they give Helen Keller a driver's liscense? Because she was a woman.

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I will slam your FACE into the BOOK if you don't stay out of MY SPACE

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A seal walks into a club.

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whats worse then finding a worm in your apple? finding two worms in your apple

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Whats round and bouncy? A bouncy ball

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Q. What is the best way to suicide? A. Kill yourself.

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Roses are red Violets are blue I kinda have a bad memory What are we doing again?

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Reading the Terms and Conditions

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Q: What sound does a baby make when you put it in a blender? A: I don't know; I was too busy trying to find my camera.

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I asked my wife to make me a sandwich. I had forgotten she was dead.

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your mom is so fat, she uses nutrisystem and other weight-loss systems to try to loose weight.

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Two men are making sandwiches, one man is spreading peanut butter over the bread and the other man is spreading honey and Italian raspberry jam over rye bread. the man with the peanut butter sandwich looks over and says "HEY, where did you get the rye bread?" and the man with the rye bread says "well my wife made it yesterday and I would be delighted if you come over for some tea, and tried some of my wife's homemade rye bread".

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What's the difference between a black male and a white female? There are many differences but all of which are wrong to make a joke about.

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A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as that could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

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How many dead babies does it take to paint a car? It depends on how fast you drive.

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hey I just met you and this is crazy but get in my van

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The philosophy professor decided to isolate himself in his closet until he figured out the meaning of life. After ten years, he had done it. He came out of isolation and immediately found one of his former colleagues on campus. He said, "I've discovered the meaning of life!" The colleague said, "Ok, what is it?" The professor said, "Life is like a bridge." The colleague said, "How so?" After a few moments, the professor nodded and said, "Yea, I guess you're right."

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Two women get in the shower at the same time, because they both start work at 8:00am and have commutes of similar length.

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A man goes into a bar and gets drunk. He realizes that he is too drunk to drive and calls a cab to bring him home.

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Why didn't the black lady become a doctor? After being awarded a Guggenheim Achievement Grant for film, she decided rather than going to school for her doctorate to instead spend time traveling in India, doing service work with the country's rather large homeless population.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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