What do you call a dog with no arms and no legs? Nothing, it cant come

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Q: IMAGINE that your in a heart racing battle with a huge grizzly bear when suddenly a bird picks you up and carries you to china and leaves you on the adge of a cliff which then you are chased by warriors and are forced to jump off the edge. What do you do? A: Wake up

thumb_up thumb_down -12

What did the baby say to the man? Babies can't talk ,the baby did not say anythingto the man!

thumb_up thumb_down -12

How many hipsters does it take to screw in a lightbulb? It's an obscure number you've probably never heard of.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Roses are red, violets are blue, if i gave a rats ass, I'd worry about you.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

How many sumo wrestlers does it take to lift a huge rock? The point of lifting a rock just to lift a rock is stupid, so why would you get 3 sumo wrestlers to come out and waste their time.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

why was Ralph depressed? Because his family was experiencing financial troubles, and needed money. He tried applying for many jobs, but they just didn’t quite work out. After ending up in the drug business to support his family, a deal went bad and he was shot, landing him in the hospital. The night his family arrived to check on him, the same shooter made his way to his room, and murdered his wife and 3 children, and somehow managed to evade police. Months after this incident, Ralph, the same chicken who was in the hospital and witnessed his family’s murder, was finally released. He had nothing to live for, nothing to look forward to in the future. He took up alcohol abuse for some time, until realizing what truly had to be done. He began tracking down his family’s killer, and with each day spent, he became closer and closer to discovering the dealer’s whereabouts. One day, he finally figured out who it was. As he arrived at the killers’ home, he took one last deep breath, then stormed in. After fighting through many of the dealers’ body-guards, Ralph finally reached the notorious drug dealing murder, Foghorn Leghorn. As a bloody battle ensued, it was clear who the winner would be.. As Ralph staggered out of the destroyed home, bloodied, yet victorious, he realized something. All the tracking, all the killing, all the bloodshed he had created, was all in vain. He realized that taking Foghorn’s life didn’t, and wouldn’t, bring his family back. Finding himself dumbfounded, he began to trot, head down, through the field where the bad drug deal happened, almost a year ago now. He took one last deep breath, looked at the stars, and took his first step on the road. This was it he decided, he was finally going to reunite with his family again once more. As the headlights raced towards him, he heard his family in unison whisper to him “You’re finally home Ralph, you’re finally home.”

thumb_up thumb_down -12

roses are red, violets are blue, some poems rhyme, but this one doesn't.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Q: How do you know what will happen when the world willl end? A: by experience

thumb_up thumb_down -12

i have yougurt mit traktor

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have a headache OUCH!

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Roses are black Violets are black I'm Helen Keller Everything's black

thumb_up thumb_down -12

What's the hardest thing about eating a quadriplegic? The wheelchair.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Why did the chicken go cluck cluck oh baby yeah balloon your mama oops did kangaroo say? I had sex with your wife and stole your car keys.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

So Joe Paterno doesn't walk into a police station....

thumb_up thumb_down -12

What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the batmobile? 'Get in the batmobile Robin'

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Why did the dead baby cross the road? Because it was stapled to the chicken.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Rush Limbaugh

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Many people protest. they go home after a few hours

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Why did the aeroplane fall out of the sky? An ant jumped on it

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Large 4

thumb_up thumb_down -12

mikey is cute

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Boy: Hey girl, the voices in my head tole me to come over and talk to you. Girl: ... *walks away*

thumb_up thumb_down -12

I asked her where you were.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops