Conversation: Hey dawg? Whats that? Hey, remember curiosity killed the cat! You threatening me on my life and calling me a pussy? Im calling the cops. ...Because like Larsons some of my ideas suck, but since I am an asshole I also add them to fill some space.

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yo mama is so fat she broke a branch off the family tree

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What's worse than finding a worm on your apple? Trench foot on your eyebrow.

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What's the difference between a rhinoceros? I DIDN'T MURDER MY BROTHER OKAY!!!!!

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Why did Sarah fall off the swing? She had no arms! Knock Knock Who's there? Not Sarah!

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What do you call a man who's being followed by 18 black guys? Dave, he's going to work and is stuck in traffic

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because you touch yourself at night.

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a man walked into a bar he had no recollection of entering the bar so he exited the bar

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Fine, ladies first.

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How do you get a giraffe in a refrigerator? You don't, the giraffe is a savanah animals and there is no physical way for a giraffe to fit in a refridgerator.

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A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as this could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

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Why was it raining lobsters? Because they ran out of men. Why did the basketball player miss the net? Because he was hit by a lobster

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How many unicorns does it take to change a lightbulb? Unicorns do not use lightbulbs, their technology (magic) is way too advanced to waste fossil fuels and pollute the air. Also, you can't change a lightbulb with hooves. ;)

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how many babies does it take o paint a house depends on how hard you throw them

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A mercenary was sent from the US to kill a terrorist leader. He was captured by the terrorists but wouldn't give away any information. They beat him, shocked him, cut him, and punched him in a dark room with a light beaming right down on him like a spotlight. It was a grueling five long days until they said "We know you have the information we want, tell us or you will die!" The mercenary sat in silence. They took out a gun and pointed it to his head. The mercenary then broke down and told the terrorists the information they wanted to hear. The terrorists then shot him to death.

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Two corns were decided to get married. In wedding, bridegroom can't find bride, so he asked a popcorn next to him, "Do you know where is the bride?" The popcorn answered, "I just change my hair style."

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Whats Brown and fluffy ASIAN TITS

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What doesn't kill you and doesn't make you stronger? Aids

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Roses are red Violets are blue, Sugar is sweet But i have commitment issues So I'd rather just be friends at this point in our relationship.

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a sabertooth walks into a club. the caveman set his trap perfectly.

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what did the left eye say to the right eye? "eye" see you

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Why did the woman put super glue on her sun glasses? Because she stepped on them and they broke.

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What is the difference between England and yogurt? One is a Western-European country and the other is a dairy product.

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An SQL query walks into a bar, sees two tables and asks if it can join them.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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