"What's wrong?" "I can't fap." "Why not?" "Because I saw your face."

thumb_up thumb_down -17

What would Jesus say if he was alive today? “Nehwê tzevjânach aikâna d'bwaschmâja af b'arha.”

thumb_up thumb_down -17

How do you get a girl with two jobs to drop on her knees? Through a penny on the knees

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Why did the cookie go to the doctor? To get his chemotherapy

thumb_up thumb_down -17

What did the girl say to the boy? You are a boy.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Roses are red, Facebook is blue, we have mutual friends, and violets are blue and roses are red. FRIDGE

thumb_up thumb_down -17

How do you make a lawyer cry? You can't. The production of tears requires a soul, which, regretfully, no lawyer possesses.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have Alzheimer's Where am I

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Why couldn't the grandma remember what she did last night? Because she has Alzeihmers and grandmas don't do anything.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

A vodka please Sir this is McDonald's Ok sorry, a McVodka please

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Q. What's smarter then the smartest woman in the world? A. A retarded seal, or pretty much anything else.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Mahmy

thumb_up thumb_down -17

How do you make a small child cry? You cut off his fingers..

thumb_up thumb_down -17

If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd probably put all the labials, coronals and dorsals in separate places sorted into plosives, nasals and fricatives, with the vowels at the beginning to make it more logical and easily attainable to foreigners.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

A horse walks into a bar. The barman says 'Why the long face?' The horse replies 'I've got AIDS.'

thumb_up thumb_down -17

How do you get a Mexicans attention? By calling him by his name.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

70% of heroin addicts die at some point in their life.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

What did the coal miner get for Christmas? Black Lung Disease

thumb_up thumb_down -17

There were 3 children: Flower, Petal and Fridge. Flower asked, "Mum, why is my name Flower?" to which she replied "Because a flower was the first thing to fall on you when you were born." Petal asked, "Mum, why is my name Petal?" to which she replied "Because a petal was the first thing to fall on you when you were born." Fridge said, "Herp derp dur" to which Fridge's mother replied "Shut up, Fridge."

thumb_up thumb_down -17

I walked into the cactus store. The clerk there was being mean so I called him a "prick". ...........

thumb_up thumb_down -17

What is a baby chick after 9 days old? 10 days old.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Wanna hear a joke? Your contact list.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

A man with Tourette's syndrome walks into a bar. Because of his disease, he shouts unexpected profanities across the room, and everybody in the bar bursts into laughter. The man cannot handle the humiliation anymore and goes home. He opens a drawer in his bedroom, pulls out a gun, and points it at his head. His wife walks in on him about to commit suicide. She is horrified. He then looks at her and then down, and he notices his one and only daughter by the age of 7 is by her side. The man ponders his reckless decision he was about to make. Moments later he and his family are holding one another sobbing in each others arms. A few days later the man goes back to the bar and shoots everybody there. Shocked and afraid, he curled up into a ball and regretted his decision. An hour later the police arrived and he was sentenced to life in prison for 3rd degree murder. His wife moved on and started a new family with his former best friend, and his daughter vists him every first tuesday of every other month. The man still suffers from Tourette's and cannot control his ticks and rots in jail. He continues to scream random obscenities for the rest of his life with no parole.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

How do you confuse a blonde? Very carefully.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops