Why did the long term smoker suddenly stop smoking? Because he had a heart attack.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

You know you are really drunk if your blood alcohol Is higher than .08

thumb_up thumb_down +23

The cow's name was Friday, But can you guess what day it died? Monday, it had a fun weekend with its family before it was brutally slaughtered.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

why did nick kiss esther because he cheated

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Your momma is so black that she probably has ancestors indigenous to Africa.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

What's the difference between a hundred dead babies and a porsche? A porsche is a car.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

A man found out that he had hit the lottery and would be receiving 300 million dollars, but he had to fly to china to do so. The man took a plane to China from New York and would arrive within the next several hours. Meanwhile, in australia a god-cow was producing infinitely large amounts of concentrated milk. His milk was so infinitely large in mass that it collapsed on its own mass and turned into black hole; absorbing the entire Earth. The man never got to receive his money from winning the lottery

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Dimes are silver Pennies are brass Why does your face look like an a**

thumb_up thumb_down +21

A black man walked into a bar. He cashed in big on workers comp.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

How do you make a plumber cry? You kill his family.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Roses are red violets are red bushes are red oh shit my garden is on fire

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Blonde: Where's the ice? Asian: In the freezer.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

What did the robot say to the centipede? Stop being a centipede!

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Why is it funny when dogs talk ? Answer: they don't

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Why did the man have an extremely large nose? It just so happens that both his father and mother had large noses as well and nature took it's course.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Knock, Knock! Go away!

thumb_up thumb_down +21

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Why the long face?" The horse becomes depressed. He didn't ask to look like this. He drinks himself into a stupor, and then crashes into another car on the highway on the way home, killing a family of five. The horse is now in jail for life.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

What did one banana say to the other banana? Answer: It didnt say anything because bananas are inanimate objects, so it isn't humanly possible for a banana to speak.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Roses are Red grass is greener every time i think of you i touch my weiner

thumb_up thumb_down +19

A mexican, Japanese, and American man are eating lunch one day at work by the window. The Mexican says, "Wow! If I get a taco one more time for lunch, I'm gonna jump off this window!" The Japanese man says, "Wow! If I get a bowl or ramen one more time for lunch, I'm gonna jump off this window!" The American says" If I get grilled cheese one more time, I'm gonna jump off this window!" The next day, the mexican jumped off because he got a taco. Then, the japanese man jumped off for getting ramen. Then, the American jumped off for getting a grilled cheese sandwhich. At the funeral, the mexican wife said, "Oh if i knew he was gonna jump, I would'nt have packed it." The japanese wife said, "If I knew he was gonna jump, I wouldn't have packed it either." The American wife didn't say anything because she was hit by a bus.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

why did the woman leave her husband? after years of mental and physical abuse she has decided to remove herself from the situation

thumb_up thumb_down +19

There was once a man named Larry. Larry was an office worker for a paper company. One day when Larry was counting papers he got a papercut on his left hand. Therefore his finger began to bleed as he sat in agony. What did Larry do next? He got up and got a band-aid. Larry continued his paper work at his desk.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

What red and goes up and down? A tomato in an elevator.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

How many Ringmasters does it take to change a lightbulb? None. They tell the clowns to do it

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops