A little blind girl goes up to her mum and says, "Mummy, mummy, when will I be able to see?" Her mum replies "I'll tell you what, I'll take you to the chemist and get you some special cream for your eyes and you will be able to see in the morning." So off they went to the chemist, got the cream, and went home, all the while the little girl was getting more and more excited at the prospect of being able to see again. Once they got home, the mother put the cream on the little girls eyes, wrapped a bandage around her head, and took her to bed. The following morning the little girl stumbled into her mums bedroom and excitedly shouted "Quick mummy, take off the bandage so that i will be able to see again." So the mother slowly took of all the bandages, taking her time, and all the while the little girl was getting more and more excited. Once they were off the little girl said "But mummy, I still can't see." To which the mother replied, "April fool!"

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Why was the black man tangled in chains at the bottom of the ocean? Because he was a highly skilled diver and environmentalist who tragically entangled himself and consequently died slowly and painfully of suffocation while trying to save a whale from eating waste metal.

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I took a vampire out for dinner last night. I expected her to cringe when I ordered a rare steak, but we decided not to let my tastes impact on the evening, sharing wine and many stories before heading back to my apartment.

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What did Superman say when he forgot his cape? "Where's my cape?"

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What do you call a snooker cue that only hits stripes? Anything you want, it can't hear you.

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Q. Why did the man walk away from his wife? A. Because he wanted to walk away from his wife.

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What's the difference between Republicans and Democrats? There is a series of boxes which one can choose to check on a ballot, officially registering an individual with a certain party. Available parties include the Green Party, The American Communist Party, The Republican Party, and the Democratic Party among others. Republicans choose to check the Republican box, Democrats choose to check the Democrat box. Also Republicans are closet homosexuals and Democrats are terrorists.

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Chris Bosh's neck

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this isn't meant to be a joke, but just letting all of you know, inside jokes don't count and kony jokes aren't funny

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whats worse than finding a worm in your penis having your wife bite of your penis and die from an infecction

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A French man, Irish man and Japanese man walk into a bar, seeing as the men speak different languages no conversation begins.

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What do a banana and helicopter have in common? Neither is a police officer

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Caca.

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Why didn't Anne Frank ever leave the attic? She did.

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Three gay men are in a bath tub and bubbles come up and one says "who farted?"

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Did you know that if you get all your intestines, and laid it out across the floor in a line, you would die?

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Why did the woman leave the kitchen? Because women have the same rights as men thanks to the 19th amendment and sexism needs to die.

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Your Mother

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What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the car? He said "Get in the car".

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Roses are red Violets are blue Tulips are pink Daisys are white

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Q: Why Marc can't run? A: Marc is a leaf.

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Why didn't they let the black people play baseball? Because they're bigoted bastards.

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You had better thumbs up this post.

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Why does Rebecca Black like Friday? Because it's the start of the weekend

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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