There are two types of people in this world, those that can't count

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So, there's three blondes. Two of them walk into a bar. The third one missed it.

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Q: A blonde, a red-head, and a brunette all jump off the bridge at the same time. Who hits the ground first? A: As stated by Sir Isaac Newton's third law of gravitation, all three fall to their deaths at the exact same time because the velocity of a falling object is unaffected by the mass of that object... or their hair colour. Idiot.

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- Knock, knock. -- How many dead babies does it take to cross the street and walk into a bar? - That's an odd question to ask to a visitor. -- Your mom.

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The past, the present and the future walk into a bar. It was tense.

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was dead! Why did the bird fall out of the tree? It was attatched to the monkey! Why did the squirrel fall out of the tree? .....................peer pressure

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A flight attendant walks up to a black man on a plane. She then asks if he would like anything to drink.

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What is the difference between a black person and a pizza? Nothing, they both taste like chicken

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Jason's Wife said to him I love you before I left to head to work, Jason then went back inside to see no one was there and he remembered his wife died in 2009.

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Banana Hamock.

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What do you call a mormon in a red jumpsuit covered in black spots? Proper terminology for this scenario has not been yet made

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why did the monkey fall out of the tree? it was dead.

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Your mother is so fat that when she goes to the movies, she usually orders popcorn and maybe a drink.

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Whats worse than one bee sting? Two bee stings. Whats worse than two bees stings? The holocaust. Whats worse than the holocaust? Three bee stings. Now, if you have been well-educated you should be able to tell the problem with this joke. Unless you know someone whos jewish and lived during the holocaust, you couldn't be sure if three bee stings was actually worse than the holocaust. If ou do however, thats good for you, keep it to yourself.

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What's the cure of cancer? Death.

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Chris: Hey, want to hear a sad joke? Joe: No, those are mean and offensive.

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what happened to the fish that got washed ashore? it died due to lack of water-borne air particles.

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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Nothing.

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A man walks into a bar. He suffers a fatal concussion and the playground is shut down by local police until proper padding is installed.

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Why didn't the boy answer the phone when it was ringing? Because he had no arms to pick it up.

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What long black and tasty? Licorice

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Whats the difference between a black man and a white man? Their skin color

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Roses are gray Vilots are gray im a dog

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Why did suzy get in the car? She wanted to go somewhere.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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