- Anti Joke

A man walks into a bar. He goes up to the Bar Tender and says, "Hit me with all you got!" The bar tender then ducks down under the bar out of sight. He comes back up with a sledge hammer and viciously murders the man. Blood spews everywhere and many others are brutally murdered shortly afterwards. :)

A priest and a small child enter a bar. The bartender takes his son back from the priest, paying him $30 for his exemplary babysitting services.

Wihat's red, green, and goes 100 miles an hour? A frog in a blender!!!!!

The philosophy professor decided to isolate himself in his closet until he figured out the meaning of life. After ten years, he had done it. He came out of isolation and immediately found one of his former colleagues on campus. He said, "I've discovered the meaning of life!" The colleague said, "Ok, what is it?" The professor said, "Life is like a bridge." The colleague said, "How so?" After a few moments, the professor nodded and said, "Yea, I guess you're right."

A Man walks into a bar and asks for a shot. The Bartender proceeds to unload a 30 round banana clip into his head, neck, and midsection.

What's tall, has a really long neck, and eats leaves? My tall vegan neighbor's giraffe

What is large, heavy, tastes like poptarts, and if it fell out of a tree it would kill you? A semi truck full of poptarts

Knock Knock Sadly the old woman was death and didn't hear the door knock.

Roses are red violets are blue, your library book is overdue, and if you dont pay the fine...i'll punch you in the mouth.

What is the best way to deal with a broken ankle? Ear Lobes.

Q: What do you call an orange if it isn't orange? A: Nothing. Chances are you won't see it until it has ripened.

There were three men in a race: Crap, Manners, and Shut Up. During the race, Crap fell and Manners stopped to pick him up, Shut Up kept on speeding. The police stopped him. Here is there converstation: Police 1: Whats your name? Shut Up: Shut Up Police 2: Wheres your manners? Shut Up: Back there picking up crap.

why did the Mexican make a burrito for his grandma? it's her favorite food and she has artheritis and its to painful for her to stand long enough to make one herself.

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?". The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then the man returns and says, "My friend does not have a pulse, so I stand by my prior assumption that he is dead."

Whats the difference between eating an egg and an abortion? Think about it.

Yo momma is so old that she will be moved to a nursing home next week.

Man :A homo-sexual panda walks into a gay bar.... Homosexual Panda : Wait...wait I'm gonna stop you right there. I will not take part in this odd joke, so just ummmmmm ya. And another thing, my species is extremely offended by your inferior remarks. Why can't homosexual pandas just have piece? Man 1: Were the hell did you come from? Homosexual Panda: My mother's uterus same as you, retard.

A penguin is driving through the desert when his car breaks down. He has it towed to a service station in the nearest town to be repaired. The mechanic tells him that it may be a while so he might want to take a stroll around town, find something to do for a while and check back a little later for an update. The penguin decides that as it is so hot in the desert town, and he is accustomed to a much cooler climate, he might enjoy a bit of ice cream. He walks to the local ice cream parlor, orders a large vanilla cone, and proceeds to devour the treat in a flash, covering himself in ice cream in the process. He has ice cream on his flippers, his face, and all down his stomach; he is virtually covered in the white, sticky goo. Upon returning to the service station to check in on the mechanic and his car, the mechanic say to him, "Well, it looks like the seal on your head gasket leaked, the transmission is shot, and you appear to be covered in ice cream." To which the penguin replies, "Yes, I have made quite the mess of myself. Today just isn't my day."

How do you confuse your algebra teacher? Tell her to prove that she exists.

Person 1- Ask me if I am a tree Person 2- Ok, are you a tree? Person 1- Nope

Why is 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 is a Sociopath with a very violent history.

ERROR 3045: This joke has gone bankrupt and Is laying in the hospital//:: THE CAUSE: OBAMA CARE

What's the difference between a baby and an onion? I cry when I chop up an onion.

What's the difference between a box of dead babies and a Lamborghini? I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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