What are three things an average teenager cannot live without? Oxygen, Food, and Water. Duh.

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What's black, white, and red all over? A dead panda.

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Knock-Knock Who's there? A giant spider-like insect that lays eggs in your brain which turn into larvae that drop down onto your tongue and eat your teeth slowly, then form a cocoon and turn into the spider-like insect spoken of previously. You then wake up from this terrible nightmare and get ready for your well paying job.

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EVOLUTION OF MODERN SAYINGS 1 The Samurai: If at first you don't succeed, kill yourself. The British: If at first you don't succeed, give up The Americans: If at first you don't succeed, sue someone, then try again in hopes of a larger payout next time

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Why don't you ever stick your hand into the bottom of the jelly bean jar? Cuz' the black ones will steal your watch

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where do you hide a black mans paycheck? somewhere he would never find it

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Three children had stumbled upon a magic slide. There was a sign on the slide stating that what ever they shouted, they would land in a pool of it at the bottom of the slide. So the first child began sliding and shouted out "JELLY" and sure enough he landed in a large pool of jelly when he reached the bottom of the slide. The next child, so excited to go down the slide began sliding down. She shouted out "LOLLIES" and sure enough she landed in a large pool of sweets and chocolates at the bottom of the slide. Finally, the youngest girl in the group mounted the slide. As she was going down she was enjoying the slide so much that she shouted "POOS POOS" forgetting the rule of the magic slide and finally landing in a large pool of excrement.

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Why did the Jewish man commit suicide? Because he was not happy with his life.

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Why did the blonde stay in the five-star hotel? She had enough money.

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Man :A homo-sexual panda walks into a gay bar.... Homosexual Panda : Wait...wait I'm gonna stop you right there. I will not take part in this odd joke, so just ummmmmm ya. And another thing, my species is extremely offended by your inferior remarks. Why can't homosexual pandas just have piece? Man 1: Were the hell did you come from? Homosexual Panda: My mother's uterus same as you, retard.

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Man who wrote "The Hokey Pokey" died. Hard part was getting him into the coffin. They put his left leg in and then the trouble started..

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Q) A Christian, slightly disabled but perfectly capable man has a packet of Jaffa Cakes. He strolls casually toward the edge of a cliff, rapidly checking his watch. The man slowly examins the packet before gradually opening the packaging. First the box, then the packet. He quickly throws the jaffa cakes over the edge of the cliff, Why? A) The man doesnt like jaffa cakes

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whats worse than school...wait a minute?

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* pretend your an orphan Knock knock Who's there? Not your parents.

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Will you please answer one question for me? "Yes" Thank you. -walk away-

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You cant spell chorus with out... Vagina!

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roses are blue violets are blue everything is blue I'm sad now

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Bro: Aww Dawg! What if they tell me I got da aids? Dawg!: Hey don worry bro, you gotta BE POSITIVE

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I like my babies how I like my chips. Chopped up and in a bag.

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Boy it's sure cold out today. Die

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Why was the fat man crying? He was sentenced to the electric chair for a murder he didn't commit.

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What happens when you cross an Asian with a bass guitar? An Asian man lies down diagonally across a bass guitar.

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Hillary Clinton and 2 male aides were on a plane on a Friday evening which us not unusual for a secretary of state.

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What does a dog in a microwave look like? You tell me, I normally close my eyes when I jack off

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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