Q: What do you call a man with no arms, legs, and an eyepatch A: Names

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A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as that could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

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Roses are red bullets are led if you don't take me back now i'll shoot you in the head!

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why do jewish people have big noses? because air is free

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Hey dude. who died.... crickets crickets crickets crickets crickets crickets crickets crickets YO MAMA

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Awesome! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> minecraftnow.us <

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A religion is like a penis. They are both nouns.

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What did Little Johny get for Christmas?

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What happened to the turtle that was on land Dead

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What did the Christian say to the Muslim. Nothing. He understood his right to have a opinion even if his religion is against it.

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What do you call a person with no arms, legs, and teeth singing in the middle of the street while spinning? I don't know.

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what did one wall say to the other wall Nothing because its physically impossible for walls to talk

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why did the cow go to the theater? to see the new movies pick one and have a good time.

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In Soviet Russia, test takes you... to a privileged University with an appropriate transcript.

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You know what's good for shoulder pain? If you ice on for 20 minutes then off for 20 minutes repetitively three times a day

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One muffin says to the other muffin "it sure is hot in here." the other muffin replies "you know, technically, we're not muffins because we're not done cooking yet."

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Q: How do you make a five year cry twice? A: There are many ways, as children are generally not that adept at controlling their emotions. Loud noises, threats of violence, images of scary monsters... those tend to work. Be sure to let them stop crying before making them cry again, otherwise you will have only made them cry once.

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Why did Jesus cross the road? He didn't. He's dead.

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1 black man on the moon = problem 10 black people on the moon = problems Whole black population on the moon = problem solved

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Why did the black man commit suicide last tuesday? he was just fired from his job, his sister passed away, and he became depressed

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Skinny people fart less.

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Q. Why did the woman cross the road? A. Who cares, what was she doing out of the kitchen

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What did the owl say when it fell out of the tree? Nothing. Owls don't talk.

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If I was trapped in a closet with you and a bear, and I only had two bullets, I would shoot you twice!

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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