A squirrel walks up to a tree and says, "I forgot to store acorns for the winter and now I am dead." Ha! It is funny because the squirrel gets dead.

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Why did the mexican immigrant have no friends? He lacked social skills and was unfamiliar with American mannerism's.

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What's the song that goes like, duh duh da duh duh duh da da do?

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Knock, knock. Who's there? Doctor. Doctor who? *snicker* F*ck a duck.

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Boy: Hey girl see these arms? They are just dying to be wrapped around you! She stabs him dead End of story

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Is it better to be born black or gay? No way to know. That is, unless you are black and gay.

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Jim and Larry work together. Jim works hard, and Larry is a bit of a prankster. One day, Jim is having a rather rough day, and Larry looks to cheer him up with a good-natured joke. Knowing that Jim's wife prepares dinner for him every night of the week, he calls her and tells her that their boss has decided to pay for a dinner out, that she should take the day off and just get ready for Jim to come home and pick her up. Larry will later follow up by calling a pizza delivery place and having them send a special no hard feeling message with two large delicious pizzas. He forgets to call the pizza delivery man until later that night, after which it's too late and he thinks "I'll just explain the joke to Jim tomorrow." And goes peacefully to sleep. Arriving home and finding that dinner is not prepared, Jim savagely beats his wife.

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A: Knock Knock! B: RING THE DOORBELL YA DUMMY

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Covert trance, black Ops, and something I kinda made up myself. The first two are basically using suggestions without the victim being aware of it, that is how that famous bank robber that just asks nicely for all the cash and gets it succeeds. The other is tricking the "allmighty" subconcious and again, my own invention people claim its called "this and that", I know, because I coined most of the terms. Anyway, you put people into a deep state of trance, you tell them to take a step forward into the sea, and well, you actually led them down the top of a skyscraper or something fun... "Now... Suck on the lollipop I have between my, okay ill stop"

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the holocaust

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A plane carrying an Englishman, an Irishman, and a Scotsman is destined to crash unless some weight is lost. First they drop the spare engine, but there is still too much weight. Then they drop the luggage, but still there is too much weight. All three men then jump out. The plane crashes anyway.

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What's the difference between an Asian bookkeeper and a Jewish dog? This isn't a joke, it's an assignment for school, I need to write a 3 page paper on this. Any ideas?

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Bill: Hey Scott, do you have the time? John: My name is John, you must have mistaken me for someone else. Bill: Oh. I apologize for the inconvenience. John: No problem. By the way, the time is 3:34. Bill: I don't actually need the time, me and Scott just have this inside joke of me asking the time when we both very well know that he refuses to wear a wristwatch. John: Alright

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Your mother is so fat, she tried to suicide because she was unhappy with her weight. She tried a diet and it didn't work; she suffers from depression and went to see a doctor about her weight. Life is getting worse for your mother and she is starting to develop diabetes. Your relatives and cousins are going to the hospital to visit her sometime this week; the doctor says she only has about a week left before she passes away.

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What's worse than dividing by zero? Chuck Norris dividing your face!

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An SQL query walks into a bar, sees two tables and asks if it can join them.

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Your mamas so old. When she farted dust came out.

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I have three heads and nine eyes, what am I? I'm a liar.

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What did Heinrich Himmler say to the chicken? I'll take that liver thanks.

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Why has Bugs Bunny got big ears Because he's a rabbit

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Fuzzy Wuzzy was a bear. Fuzzy Wuzzy had no hair. Fuzzy Wuzzy became cold easily.

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I see London, I see France... I see a Map.

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Whats long, hard, and makes a girl excited? A penis.

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Knock Knock. Who's There? I have cancer.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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