A man is on an operating table. His heart stops beating and he suddenly finds himself at the Gates of Heaven. St. Peter approaches him. "Welcome, my son," St. Peter says. "I will ask you one question, and that will determine whether you can enter Heaven." The man nods nervously. St. Peter asks, "Did you ever commit a sin and never sought forgiveness?" The man thinks long and hard. "No, I always made sure to apologize." St. Peter smiles. "Congratulations, my son. You have passed the test, and may enter Heaven!" The man is ecstatic as the pearly gates open up for him. He enters Heaven and is astounded by its magnificent beauty. The man then loses all brain function and dies on the operating table.

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Roses are red. Violets are blue. You honstly thought i would cry over you? Well guess what player, You just got played too!

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Two horses were in a field. One said "this is a good place to hide". The other said, "well, let's hope they don't Findus here!"

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Jims family is having a picnic. Jim goes and gets his food. shortly after he drops his food. Jim is really sad and goes and gets more food. Jim is black

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wut did the cow say to the other cow thet's get a moo shake

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Why couldn't the emo kid finish reading his book? Because he was on the titanic when it sank.

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You idiot.

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A duck walks into a bar Its theoretical comical universe implodes from the destructive weight of inevitable punchlines and everyone in the bar dies.

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Knock-Knock Who's there? The UPS guy dumb ass

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A giraffe walks into a bar and the bar tender asks "Why the long face?!" to witch he replied " I've just been mugged outside.".

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Why did the chicken cross the road? He was at a crosswalk and had the right of way to on coming traffic

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Chuck Norris walks into a bar, the bartender says ouch.

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If a plane crashes on the boarder of Canada and The U.S.A- Where would they burry the survivors.

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Why is a duck? Because one leg is both the same.

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What did the big traffic light say to the little traffic light? It didnt it's a traffic light.

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How many dead babies does it take to paint a wall? First of all, babies do not have the physical ability or the mental capacity to ever paint a wall, no matter how many of them there are. Second of all, they are dead which probably will not increase their chances of painting said wall.

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Get on the boat.

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Not gonna tell you, that was one weird story, I feel like super high right now.

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Two dogs went out for a walk. Then their master took them home.

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What is the biggest lie of 2011? "I do"- Kim kardashian

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Why was the young child dead in the middle of the road? His mother wasn't there to prevent him from chasing the ball across the road, and therefore, he ran in front of a truck

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How many alzheimers patients does it take to screw in a light bulb? To get to the other side

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Why did the elephant paint his toenails orange? Because he wanted to hide in the pumpkin patch

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what did the man say when he was reading a book? nothing, if u assume the situation when hes reading to himself.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops