how do you get lady gaga to wake up in the morning? Hit her with a brick

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Roses are red, violets are blue. Your definitely a virgin, too bad your mom isn't too.

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A: u wanna die? B: does anyone really wanna die, i mean logistically, un-less u are suicidal, why would you wanna die? A: I do wanna die. B: ur a freak and you should consider getting help person A never got help, on his way to getting help at a certified physician he got hit by a bus, his body can be found at the intersection of church ave. and flatbush. And i would say rest in piece but cars drive over him daily, and thats not to peaceful

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A horse, a duck, a pig, and a mus lim walk into a bar. The horse ducks, the duck's hoarse, the pig's in a blanket, and the mus lim has a can, being surprised at how far a can can preach hate in Chicago. The bartender reminds the mus lim that he's keeping company with a swine, and the mus lim feels offense for the poor horse.

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whats long hard and full of seamen? a submarine.

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There were two friends, a girl and a boy. The girl had a ribbon tied to her neck, and every day the boy asked her why, yet she'd never tell him. They grew up together, and fell in love and still, she wouldn't tell him why she had the ribbon on her neck. They got married, and grew old, and still she wouldn't tell him. But one day, she said to him 'I'll show you why I keep this on my neck' and she took it off and her head fell off.

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Breaydn Simmons walked into a bar

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Why did the asian lady buy the large shirt instead of the medium? Because the medium didn't fit

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What's the difference between a ghost and a dolphin? A ghost isn't a dolphin.

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Q:What do you find in the middle of a pile of dead babies? A:Another dead baby!

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Obesity runs in your family. To bad no one runs in your family.

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A blonde keeps walking down her driveway to her mailbox.Finally, her neighbor asks, "Why?" The blonde replies, "The computer says I've got mail."

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Q. Why couldn't Billy see the pirate movie? A. Because his mom didn't let him.

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one day a guy walks into a bar. he buy's a drink then walks hapily home by Mad James

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What is worse than being paralyzed from the neck down Nothing

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What's faster than a black man carrying your TV? The law enforcement that promptly catches him and is about to charges him with theft regardless of his ethnicity because stealing someone else's property is just generally an unlawful thing to do.

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Why did the fat boy cry? His grandmother died

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THIS ONE TIME MY DOG ATE A WHOLE CHEESECAKE

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Yo mama so fat because it's in her genes.

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HAHAH MY WORD IS HAPPY CLAPPY

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Q: My hands are queefing vaginas A: Milk isn't wearing underwears

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on a scale from 0 to 100, how childish are you? 69

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What do you call a man who can't sing. Untalented and he should probably find a new profession

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How do you choke a lawyer? You squeeze his neck until he stops breathing.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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