An Irishman walked into a bar, except he would call it a pub, because there are slight differences in vocabulary in different regions, 37 minutes later he walked home safely, fed his cat, read some pages of a book he had been reading, turned the light off and went to bed.

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A police officer walks into a bar. He uses the ATM and withdraws 20 dollars. After greeting the bartender he leaves the establishment and proceeds to go on duty. The cop was really friendly.

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When faced with an impossible question. I like to give, and maybe receive, an impossible, yet endearing, request/answer to the problem. Sex?

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Why is Michael Jackson a bad chess player? Because he's dead.

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A man walks into a metal bar He had a swell time.

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A man with glasses and a cane walks out if a clothing store and accidentally bumps into a woman, knocking his hat off "Can't you watch where you're going?" the woman asks. The man then slaps her, knocking her to the ground. He picks up his new designer fedora, and drives off in his $90,000 Cadillac. The woman, after dusting herself off, gets the guy's plates, convinces a few witnesses to testify against the man, and informs the authorities of an assault. He was later arrested for assault as well as pimping and soliciting sex. He is found guilty in a court of law and is sentenced to 2-5 years in prison, and is doled a hefty fine.

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Q. Why cant Stephen Hawking walk into a bar? A. Because he suffered being paralyzed and is unable to walk. So theoretically speaking it is impossible to walk when paralyzed and in a wheelchair unless the victim is out of his or her wheelchair. Please note that the chances of walking when paralyzed are extremely slim.

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You mama's so fat, that the doctor suggested that she go on a diet.

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Ten black people are on the 100th floor of a 110 floor building. They are going to die because they are trapped in the World Trade Center and are leaving a very happy life with their loving families.

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What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? Where's my tractor?

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why did the chicken cross the road? there was chicken food on the other side

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An Asian man is driving a car. He was on the way to the market to buy dinner for his family

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What's the difference between apples and oranges? You can't wash a window with a spade.

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What do humans and fish both have in common? They both live underwater, apart from humans.

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The word "Walter" is never funny.

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did you hear the one about the gay child molester?

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What do you call a man with no arms in the middle of the ocean? Mike.

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What do you call a man that's very angry? A Very Angry Man.

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Your mom's house is so old, that she has rats and other various critters such as spiders, gnats, and mosquitoes.

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What's white on top and black on bottom? Society.

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Why did the man go to Jupiter? Because he was on a mission for N.A.S.A.

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Why are black people so ghetto? because they live in the ghetto

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What's long, hard and full of semen? A penis

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Why does manure smell like poop? Because it is poop.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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