Q: Hey, wanna hear a joke? A: Sure! Q: Alright, cool. *leaves*

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Hello! I am Harry Potter, and i will be teaching you pottery today! Yes, call me Mr. Pottery!

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Why do Asians get 50% off on movies? They don't.

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What would George Washington be doing if he was alive today? Scratching and screaming at the bottom of his coffin.

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How do you fit a giraffe into a refrigerator? You cut it into pieces.

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Why was the curious black guy a good Lumberjack? He was always axin'.

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I thought about taking a nice warm shower, but then I realized that the power was out and it would probably be a cold shower.

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Man walks into a hotel on Friday, Stays for three days and leaves on Friday. How is this possible? A. His horses name was Friday

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What's white and black and lives in the ghetto : a panda bear

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A horse walks into a bar and sits down on a stool. He orders a beer. He drinks his beer and leaves. Life continues on as it was.

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What did the prosecuting attorney say to the defense attorney? I hate you.

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"Roll back into the kitchen and imagine me a sandwich!" yelled the abusive husband to his paraplegic wife.

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Why did the blond woman sell her water skis? She was in a horrible accident and will never walk again.

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What has seven ears, four legs and two arms? Nothing.

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whats better than 7 babies in one trash can 1 baby in 7 trash cans

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Did you hear why the peanut got arrested by walking next to another peanut? One got a-salt-ed

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Where did Lucy go went the bomb went off? Everywhere

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Roses are red Violets are blue I have herpes now you do too.

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Did you hear about the Dislexic Devil worshipers? They sold their soul to Santa.

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Why did you loose the basketball game? Because they scored more points than us.

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Doctor Doctor, I keep getting horrible boils all over my face! Okay then. Take off your underwear and we'll see what's going on.

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When I was in 4th grade, I was fat. The other kids would take my lunch and spit in all the food, then give it back. Teachers started to wonder why I wasn't eating, and soon began to ask me if I was anorexic. I replied, "do I look anorexic!?" I'm now 6 foot 3 and weigh 56 pounds. *FUN FACT: based on a heartwarming true story.

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What's the difference between a stepfather and a turkey? A stepfather is a man who married a woman who has already had a family with another man but the man does not mind because he has fallen deeply in love with her and wants to spend the rest of his life with the woman. A turkey is completely different in many respects.

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Q: How do get a person to leave you alone ? A: Suck out his eye-balls stuff them in your ears to muffle the sound of his screaming as you head-butt him into a fine paste. Then proceed to spread or squeeze sed paste on to delicious food substance and eat sed delicious food substance. Then carry on with the rest of your day like nothing happened. (P.S. Just ignore any letters about court cases or arrests)

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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