old man: hi old woman: i have alshemiers old man: hi old woman: i have alshemiers

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Why was the blonde sad? Her phone was broken due to an NNEMP.

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What do you do when life throws lemons at you? Take out your lemon shield and retreat deep into your lemon proof bunker.

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Why does everyone love Randy Jackson? Well it's sure not because he's black.

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Why did the kid drop his ice cream? Because he was laughing so hard at the man who farted and burped at the same time.

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You walk into a shopping centre, what wont you see? Madelin McCann.

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a white guy, a black guy, and a spanish guy all jump off a building. they all immediately die on impact, later on the news white guy jumps off building.

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An Asian, a white man and a black man were running in a race. The Asian won and the black man came second due to his lack of training and motivation over the past couple of months.

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What's worse then one bee sting? Two bee stings. What's worse then two bee stings? The Holocaust . What worse then the Holocaust? Three bee stings.

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Hey i heard You were a wierd kid ooooooooooalskdfjaslkdfj

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A man with Tourette's syndrome walks into a bar. Because of his disease, he shouts unexpected profanities across the room, and everybody in the bar bursts into laughter. The man cannot handle the humiliation anymore and goes home. He opens a drawer in his bedroom, pulls out a gun, and points it at his head. His wife walks in on him about to commit suicide. She is horrified. He then looks at her and then down, and he notices his one and only daughter by the age of 7 is by her side. The man ponders his reckless decision he was about to make. Moments later he and his family are holding one another sobbing in each others arms. A few days later the man goes back to the bar and shoots everybody there. Shocked and afraid, he curled up into a ball and regretted his decision. An hour later the police arrived and he was sentenced to life in prison for 3rd degree murder. His wife moved on and started a new family with his former best friend, and his daughter vists him every first tuesday of every other month. The man still suffers from Tourette's and cannot control his ticks and rots in jail. He continues to scream random obscenities for the rest of his life with no parole.

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Who more attractive then you? No one your ugly as pooh.

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Meanwhile in Josh and Dannys apartment....(Danny: I'm finally gonna play amnesia! Josh: You'll die Danny: No I won't Josh: Fine tell me when your done Danny: Ok Josh: Cya 3 Hours later Danny has been stuck in a part. Of the game because he was scared to leave that spot. He builds up the courage to leave there. He sees the monster screams Josh hears runs in the room his character died in the game as Danny has a violent seizure and dies. Josh mourns the death of his friend for years.

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Anti deep thoughts, by Fabian Monge'. The other day while parked at a stop light i was looking in the rear view mirror at the person who was blowing his horn at me. I then realized that while i was looking back at him the light had been green for a while. I then thought that i had better drive forward because i was holding up traffic, and that it was very selfish of me to waste other peoples time like that while wondering what was going on behind me instead of what was happening in front of me. In the time it took for me to come to this conclusion, i had wasted another few seconds of someones time. How very selfish of me.....

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How do you kill and red head? Throw your mom at them!

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What's the difference between a raccoon and a bear? One's a raccoon, the other's a bear.

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Whats the Difference between a corvette and a pile of dead babies? A Pile of dead babies is basically useless

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Why don't seagulls fly over the bay? They do. In fact, seagulls can be found near almost any body of water.

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What did the boy with no arms and no legs get for christmas? A watch and a pair of socks.

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This blind man read my mind the other day. I swear, it's like he has a 5th sense!

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What's the best thing about 23 year olds? There's twenty of them.

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What do Michael Jackson and most Catholic priests have in common? They're dead.

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What do Elephants never forget? 9/11

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A black man is driving down the road in a van, and pulls up to a little a girl and says excuse me Miss. The girl replies Ok Ok I will get the car just dont hurt me The black guy says I dont want you to get in my van im taking your mom on a date.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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