How do you get a one armed Polish man out of a tree? With a ladder, he needs help.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

A Polish immigrant goes to the Department of Motor Vehicles to apply for a driver’s license. He has to take an eye test. They show him a card with the letters C Z W I X N O S T A C Z. “Can you read this?” the optician asks. “Read it?” the Polish guy replies, “No, sir. Allow me to put on my glasses."

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Why Was the student driver using his cell phone in the car? Because he had gotten in a mild accident with a midsized sedan so he was quickly dialing his AAA agent for roadside assistance so he can get back to his loving family and three children

thumb_up thumb_down +2

How many babies can you fit in an oven? Depends how hungry you are.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

What did one lawyer say to the other? We are both lawyers. What did the stupid lawyer say to the other lawyer? We are both pineapples.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Knock knock? Who's there? Not Schrodinger's cat, or is it?

thumb_up thumb_down +2

i know the best knock knock joke! you start! other person: knock knock me: whos there ........

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Psychic wanted. You know where to apply.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Why don't you push a mexican off a bike, because its probably yours,

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Whats the difference between males and females? fe

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Why couldn't the black man get his lawnmower to start? He was too poor to own a home =)

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Hey girl, do you have a mirror in your pocket? Because I dropped one and I can't find it.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

What would the funeral home do without a dead person? Wait until the next appiontment

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Who is worse than Adolf Hitler? Lebron James

thumb_up thumb_down +2

What's worse than getting stabbed? Getting stabbed twice. What's worse than getting stabbed twice? Getting stabbed three times. What's worse than gettin..... Why does it matter?!?!?! U should be dead by then!

thumb_up thumb_down +2

News:Little boy found dead in old man's white van. Turns out the old man goes to the store and when he comes back the little boy chokes on an apple.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

how many dead babies can you fit into a blender? 17 how do you get them out? Tortilla chips, but you'd be arrested by that time anyway because you just murdered 17 babies

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Two olives are sitting on a counter, one falls off and the other one asks "Are you okay?" and he replies, "It is only a slight wound I think I will be just fine"

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Why cant Stevie Wonder and Ray Charles read? Because they are blind you racist.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Knock knock. Who's there? Gestapo. Gestapo who? Your husband is dead.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

How do you blindfold an asian? step 1: Fold your blindfold into a triangle step 2: Wrap blindfold around the head of the asian step 3: Tie the blindfold on the back of the asians head step 5: You forgot 4 step 6: Your finished step 4: Tighten the blindfold Now you know how to blindfold an asian ˜´??

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Guy: "Did you hear about the guy who cried wolf?" Friend: "Yes. He was pulling your leg. People cry tears not wolves." Guy: "How did you know he was pulling my leg?" Friend: "If you look down, he's still there pulling it."

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Why was 6 afraid of 7? To get to the other side.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

A black woman was filling out forms at the welfare office. Under "Number of children," she wrote "10," and where it said "List names of children," she wrote "Leroy." When she handed in the form, the woman behind the desk pointed out: "Now here where it says "List names of children," you're supposed to write the names of each one of your children." "Dey all named Leroy," said the black woman. "That's very unusual. When you call them, how do they know which one you want?" asked the welfare worker. The Black woman said, "Oh, den I uses the middle names."

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops