What was the cancer patients last wish? For the pain to go away...Yolo...-Avery Scott Vartanian

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A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Why the long face?" The horse then precedes to beat the bartender voraciously for making fun of his religion.

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What did the old man say after he fell down? nothing.

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What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?

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A priest and a rabbi walk into a gay bar. They are closet homosexuals and are searching for partners to engage in consensual sexual intercourse with.

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Why did the boy cry? Because he was a crybaby

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What goes up a hill with four legs and comes down the hill with five? A creepy animal that grows legs when it goes down hills.

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Whats the difference between a Mexican and a bench? a bench is a structure designed for sitting and a Mexican is a person born in Mexico.

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A guy is at a party and he's really thirsty, so he goes to get a drink. He goes to get some soda, but the line is too long. He goes to get some water, but the line is also too long. He goes to get some punch, and it turns out there's no punch line.

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Why'd the bird in Ohio fall out of its nest? There was a squirrel that was eaten by a large eagle. The eagle then flew to Ohio and died. Then, a large dog grabbed the Eagles corpse and brought it to his owner. The owner then decided to have it for dinner. Inside the eagle, he found the squirrels bones. He put the bones in a catapult, and sent them flying. The bones hit a car and the car slipped off the road and into a river. Then, a whale put the car on its back and swam to the shore. At the shore, the whale got stranded and sadly died. Crabs surrounded the whale and ate it. One crab then ran away and up a tree. It found a stapler and a rubber dinosaur mask and gave it to a chipmunk. The chipmunk climbed up the tree, stapled nuts into the birds eyes and stapled the rubber dinosaur mask to its face, the bird got scared, and then all of the sudden the chipmunk stapled itself to the birds back. The birds family then came and shoved the two out of the tree because they hated chipmunks, and their son Timmy the bird was a disappointment. The bird and the chipmunk fell and died. That is why the bird fell.

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Q- Who is the life of the party? A- hannah schane

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One time, I called the police, but it was actually a fire. So my neighbors died.

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Easy, you get a phone with a recorder that rather than playing a "please leave a message after the tone", plays the same tune as if the phone was still not picked up. Now tell me here and now, because I wont waste more time on you, what part did you play in this? Jenny Chatterton? Another one of your pseudonyms? What the fuck did you think would happen? You live in the Uk, london, so, tell me everything, or I will share every single detail here.

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Why didn't cancer cross the road? Because it was to busy taking my family.

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Why didn't you hit the little mexican boy riding a bike? - it's probably was not your bike and it would have been against the law if you did so it was the kind thing to do -AHW

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Why did the chicken cross the playground. He didn't. chickens are unsanitary to have in schools

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What do you call it when Justin Beiber has sex with a woman? Intercourse.

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What's black and blue and hates sex? The ten year old in my trunk

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My mom told me I was pretty, I know now that she is a liar.

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What does a tomato and a human have in common? They both spray red liquid when stabbed repeatedly

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What did the calculator screen say? Cos0=1

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Why can't Helen Keller drive? She's dead.

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Dad, if I say shit or somethin... Dad: FALCOWN PAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANCH!

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A man died in a sky-diving accident. What was the last thing that went through his mind before he died? His feet

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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