What did the shark say to the beached whale? Nothing.

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A blond, a brunette, and a redhead all walk into a bar. They order martinis and have a nice evening.

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the man was talking to a phone no answered cause he talking to a brick wall

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69

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- What would you say if you'll see a Mexican eating hamburger in fast-food restaurant? - Enjoy your meal.

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What do you call a black man flying a plane? A pilot, you racist.

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Where was the declaration of independes? At the bottom

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Roses are Red, Violets are Blue.... I hate your guts.

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Why didn't the skeleton cross the road? Skeletons neither have muscles nor brains to control any muscles and therefor cannot transport themselves across a road or any stretch of land for that matter.

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Knock Knock! Who's There? Billy Sup Billy, come on in!

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Why wouldn't Rose let go of Jack? Freddie told her that he was just a poor boy and nobody loves him.

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What is small, red, and can't fit through a doorway? A baby with a spear through its head. Posted By: Lram

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What's worse than one bee sting? Two bee stings. What's worse than two bee stings? The Holocaust. What's worse than the Holocaust? Three bee stings.

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His Royal Highness was hunting in the forest accompanied by his squires and hunting dogs. A man, screaming, ran wildly out of the brush and addressed the hunting party. He said, "DON'T SHOOT! I AM NOT A MOOSE!! PLEASE DO NOT SHOOT!!!!" The king calmly raised his rifle to his eye and fired, hitting the man in the temple, and instantly killing him. A squire frantically turned to the king and said "Sire! Why did you kill this man?! He CLEARLY said he was not a moose!" The King replied "Oh! I thought he said he WAS a moose..."

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Roses are red Violets are blue Your dog pooped on my lawn Now my violets are even more blue

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When will Abe Vigoda be alive again? Never. There will never again be a time when Abe Vigoda will be alive. For example, Abe Vigoda will be dead for the entirety of the year 2038. He will continue to be dead if we move forward to the year 2091, and even if we keep jumping forward throughout history, stopping in the years 2250, 2871, and 3546, we will not land in an era when Abe Vigoda will be alive. Another way to look at this is to imagine Abe Vigoda had died in earlier years. Let's say he had died in 1902. Would he be alive today? The answer, sadly, is no. We get the same answer if we suppose Abe Vigoda had died in 1822, 1715, or ~ 85,200,000 BPE. To sum up, it is not precisely accurate to say that Abe Vigoda will be dead for a very long time. That implies a limit on the amount of time he will be dead. There is no limit.

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Do you know what my Granddad said to me before he kicked the bucket? He said; how far do you think I could kick this bucket? Then he died.

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Why did the Asian man have to sit down to pee? Because he had no legs.

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What happened to the man that walked into the bar... He walked into the bar

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What do you call a bear with no teeth? A Gummy Bear!!

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Whats worse than biting into an apple and finding a worm? Biting into a worm and finding an apple.

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What's black and at the top of a burning building? A paraplegic

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A Jew finally tipped He was in a canoe

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How many police does it take to change a lightbulb? None, they all beat the room for being black.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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