A gorilla walks into a bar and order a banana martini. The bartender thinks this is a little peculiar and then becomes aware he is actually dreaming. He wakes up from his dream and begins to tell his wife about the ridiculous dream he had. His wife just ignores him, the man rolls over and begins to sob because he realizes his marriage is in shambles.

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Why'd the dead man cross the road? He didn't, he was dead, therefore incapable of doing anything at all.

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I <3 Hitler

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Whats a never ending Opium for the stupid, mentally depraved un educated population? Christianity

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What did the boyfriend ask his girlfriend for on his birthday? Pokemon Yellow version.

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What do u call a man who is smart. A lawyer/ genius/ smart man

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What did the pet lion say to its owner? Nothing. Lions do not have the ability to speak. The lion then proceeded to hunt down its owner, pin him down and rip out his insides. Besides, the likelyhood of owning a lion as a pet is very slim, and even if one did, this act would be highly illegal in most parts of the world.

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why do prostitutes do what they do? Because they have abusive fathers who always used them as sex slaves as children

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A priest, a pastor, and a rabbi walk into a bar. All three are alcoholics and have done irreparable damage to their livers.

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what did your mom say to you? go fuck your self you stupid greedy shit. you start crying later in your bedroom, then your mom comes with a bag full of your fathers semen, and dildos. and forces you to drink the entire bag.

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A pony goes to the doctor saying his throat hurts, the doctor sais "oh I know, your a little hoarse". The pony replies, no I'm not ass-hole I have strep throat.

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a blind man walks into a wall

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Is that your face or is your dog walking backwards.

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whats big, white and will kill someone if it falls out of a tree? a refridgerater

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there's a new drink out called the Bin Laden... it consists of two shots and a splash of water

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What's black and hangs from my tree? A black man. I am a racist.

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Whats the difference between a boy scout and a jew? A boy scout gets to come home after camp.

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Niall Horan

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Q: What did the pedestrian say to the bus driver that hit him? A: Nothing, he died.

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Knock knock! Who's there? Joe Barkley. Joe Barkley who? ...

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Q:Whats the difference between NBC and the NBA? A: The NBA is the National Basketball Assocation and NBC is The No Body Cares.

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Chuck Norris was once approached by a woman for whom he had to fight a man to obtain all while doing a mundane activity in an unorthodox manner. He promptly declined for he is married and told the man he only fights for self-defense. He proceeded to put his pants on one leg at a time like everybody else.

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What's better than singing in the rain? Singing in a Pitt of fire. Oh wait that would be way worse than singing in the rain

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What's the best time to go to the dentist? Whenever your appointment is scheduled.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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