A man with Tourette's syndrome walks into a bar. Because of his disease, he shouts unexpected profanities across the room, and everybody in the bar bursts into laughter. The man cannot handle the humiliation anymore and goes home. He opens a drawer in his bedroom, pulls out a gun, and points it at his head. His wife walks in on him about to commit suicide. She is horrified. He then looks at her and then down, and he notices his one and only daughter by the age of 7 is by her side. The man ponders his reckless decision he was about to make. Moments later he and his family are holding one another sobbing in each others arms. A few days later the man goes back to the bar and shoots everybody there. Shocked and afraid, he curled up into a ball and regretted his decision. An hour later the police arrived and he was sentenced to life in prison for 3rd degree murder. His wife moved on and started a new family with his former best friend, and his daughter vists him every first tuesday of every other month. The man still suffers from Tourette's and cannot control his ticks and rots in jail. He continues to scream random obscenities for the rest of his life with no parole.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

http://cache.deadspin.com/assets/resources/2008/04/Deer_mating2.jpg

thumb_up thumb_down +18

What is both blue and yellow at the same time? Green.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

What's endangered like the Spotted Owl? A Cancer patient.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Breaydn Simmons walked into a bar

thumb_up thumb_down +16

What do you call a man with multiple sexual partners? Well, first you strongly urge him to get tested for any contagious and potentially dangerous STD's that could have been transmitted from one partner's genitalia to another person's genitalia which could have very well been he himself. They could be life threatening. Oh, and call him by his first name.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

"Knock knock!" "Who's there?" "A door to door salesman. Are you unsatisfied with the way your dish soap handles your plates? Then I have the product for you!" "I'm not interested in your product, but thank you anyway." "No problem. On an off note, how did you hear me? I didn't speak very loudly when I said knock knock, and I didn't even bother to knock on the door or ring the doorbell." "I have really good hearing." "Oh, okay. And for future reference, maybe you should open the door when talking to a visitor. Then body language gets established and the conversation flows more nicely that way." "That's some good advice, and I'll take it. Thanks, salesman." "You're welcome. On to the next house."

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Why was Cathy sad. Her husband Drew was killed by a land mine on a peace keeping mission to Iraq.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

how many dead guys does it take to screw in a light bulb? 6

thumb_up thumb_down +16

What do you call a horse that likes to box? A horse

thumb_up thumb_down +16

God wrote this joke.................................

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Why did the camel climb Mount Everest? Actually, he wasn't a camel, he was a very experienced mountain climber. In any case no one really knows why he did it.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Roses are red Violets are blue I'm Scizophrenic And so am I.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

A blind man walks into a bar, and a table, and a chair.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Why did the plane crash? Because the pilot was a loaf of bread.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

How did a monkey fall out of a tree? He slipped on a banana.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Roses are red and i like Pie but seriously, i don't care if you die

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Roses are der Violets are eulb I am dyslexic

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Why did the young boy drop his bus. He was hit by an ice cream.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

the awkward moment when a fat person says they are fat

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Why did the booger throw a fit? Because it was getting picked on.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Who won the championship last year? There was no championship

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Knock knock Who's there? Miley Cyrus Holy moly, please come in! Here's your Miley Cyrus CD you order online Thanks you Mr. Mail Man

thumb_up thumb_down +16

How many babies does it take to paint a wall red? It depends on their painting skills.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops