Q: What did the mute kid say to his mother ?

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A local police officer pulls up to tell you something. Listen carefully: Three zebras have been spotted crossing the Mexican border. He goes into his truck, pulls out a can of marbles, peanut butter, seven velcro straps and a rhino horn covered in glitter. Your mission is simple: Kill the zebras using your equipment. You will be rewarded if you have enough peanut butter to make a sandwich after. Go now... Get it done.

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Your mom showed up at my house last night. I kindly greeted her and asked if I could help her with anything.

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an englishman,scotsman,and irishman walk into a bar the englishman says " a pint of lager please" "that will be 10pounds , says the barman "Im not paying that , ill see you in court" says the englishman . The same thing happens , in turn to the scotsman, and irishman ,and a summons is issued. In court the jugde says "why are you charging drinks too dear?" the barman says "im not, im selling them to a englishman ,scotsman, and a irishman..

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Do you know what's the sexiest thing in the world? Sex.

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david give me my money back... i will have it next week

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What's worse than finding your cat dead? Finding your cat dead because it choked on your goldfish.

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What did the deaf guy get for Christmas? An iTunes gift card

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Bugs dance, so do ants, Oh my glob it’s Adventure Time!

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Oh s***

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How do you know if elephants are watching a movie? If a Volkswagen Beetle is parked outside the movie house.

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What starts with F and ends in UCK? Firetruck. What starts with P and ends in ORN? Popcorn. What starts with S and ends in HIT? Shit.

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A man walks into a bar. The bartender asks him what he wants to drink. He orders a beer.

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Yo mamma's so fat, she's self-concsious about her weight and is embarassed when people make fun of her weight which makes her escape to her only friend, food, which makes her even fatter, so she will never lose weight until society accepts her and is not so prejudice towards overweight people.

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Why did a car full of African-American men pull up to a lonely white man walking on the sidewalk at 12 p.m. in Harlem? To ask for directions.

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Roses are red Violets are blue i have a gun get in the van

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5 Jewish men walk into a bar and are expected to be treated nicely

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Stevie Wonders said to his friend, "Have you seen my house?" "No" "Neither have I"

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This dog can only sniff marijuana.

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Why did the prince kiss his beloved just before going into battle? Intermission.

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How do you poop without it splashing? clench clench, release, clench clench, release, clench, release, clench, release.

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What colour is chocolate? Brown.

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If you're head weren't attached to your shoulders... you'd be dead.

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A pirate walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Hey, did you know you have a steering wheel down your pants?" The pirate replies, "Arrrgh, there's been a horrible nautical accident. Please call an ambulance immediately."

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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