Roses are red Violets are blue I have Alzheimer's And add extra pepperoni

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Why did the little girls ice cream melt? Because she was on fire.

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When life hands you lemons...you should probably get yourself checked out because life is an abstract idea...

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Why did the boy die while brushing his teeth? The toothbrush wasn't water-proof.

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A baby seal walks into a club.

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What did the mother say when her sons asked for a can of pop? No you have diabetes.

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Why did the bunny cross the road? Because it waited until a car was driving by and then got run over.

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An asian and white guy walk into a bar, the white man says to the asian "Do I know you from somewhere?" The asian says. "Yes, I used to go to college with you." The white man remebers him, and they catch up on life.

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A man is walking down the beach and he spots an antique looking lamp in the sand, he picks it up and rubs it. Nothing happens and the man begins to cry realizing that his life is so dismal and pathetic he was ready to believe he had found a magic lamp. He proceeds to run into the water and bash himself senseless with a large rock until he passes out and drowns.

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Q: What's worse than biting into an apple and finding a worm? A: Being caught by the store manager, arrested, convicted, and thrown into jail for petty theft and then getting ass-raped for the next 3 months all because you wanted to check an apple without paying for it.

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Texter 1: Hey, do you want to hang out? Texter 2: Sorry dude, i lost my phone, i'm trying to find it Texter 1: Ok, text me when you find it Texter 2: OK

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What's grammatically incorrect about this sentence? Nothing. I lied.

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What did the boy with no arms and legs get for christmas? Nothing his parents died in a tragic car accident the night before

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What do Robbers Get for Christmas? Other peoples things.

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Q: What did the black man say to the other black man? A: Nothing. They didn't know each other.

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Yes, it's for the patiënt in the other room.

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What did the apple say to the orange? Nothing because apples can't talk.

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Why did Mexico enter the war? Because they were bombed.

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I'm homeless.

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What did the physicist say when he got his penis stuck in a test tube? Ah jeesh! I got my penis stuck in a test tube.

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Mila Kunis is fugly. Said no one ever.

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what's better than winning the special olympics? -not being retarded

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What did Chuck Testa do when he saw she had died of a heart attack? He cried and gave her a proper funeral and burial.

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The global news

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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