where is the world?

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Why's it so bad to be black and Jewish? You have to sit in the back of the oven.

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What's wet and sticky? I don't know, glue or something.

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What's long, hard and full of seamen? A submarine.

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A man walks in the a bar Now he has 3 missing teeth

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Yo mama is so fat, she needs to get serious about her diet, or else she might die of some sort of weight related issue.

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How do you stop a man from jumping off a building? Push him off a building.

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How do you kill a turtle? You can't, it has a shell for a reason.

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Why is Diarreah genetic? It runs in your genes.

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Chuck Norris was in a staring contest with the sun. He's blind now.

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Why did the girl drop out of school? She was being sexually assaulted by her mothers alcoholic boyfriend and was having trouble coping.

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My name's Forrest Gump. People call me Forrest Gump.

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Rebecca Black walks into a bar and asks for a beer. The bartender doesnt serve her because she is 12.

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Listen Nero, you consider us like friends too right?

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You are so down to earth, and never confuse that with "simple minded".

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What did the man say when he was stabbed on the street? Nothing, because he died.

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Knock Knock F*ck of I'm watching p0rn

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How do you kill a vampire? Because vampires are figments of society's imagination and actuall living creatures, this task is impossible.

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At his sentencing, a judge tells a convicted murderer that he will be hanged at noon on one weekday in the following week but that the execution will be a surprise to the prisoner. He will not know the day of the hanging until the executioner knocks on his cell door at noon that day. Having reflected on his sentence, the prisoner draws the conclusion that he will survive the hanging. His reasoning is in several parts. He begins by concluding that the "surprise hanging" can't be on Friday, because if he hasn't been hanged by Thursday, there is only one day left - and so it won't be a surprise if he's hanged on Friday. Since the judge's sentence stipulated that the hanging would be a surprise to him, he concludes it cannot occur on Friday. He then reasons that the surprise hanging cannot be on Thursday either, because Friday has already been eliminated and if he hasn't been hanged by Wednesday night, the hanging must occur on Thursday, making a Thursday hanging not a surprise either. By similar reasoning he concludes that the hanging can also not occur on Wednesday, Tuesday or Monday. Joyfully he goes to his cell confident that he has been spared from the hanging. The next week, the executioner knocks on the prisoner's door at noon on Wednesday and prisoner is completely surprised!

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Who has two thumbs and is happy? This girl! You're a girl?

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Q: Do these jeans make me look fat? A: No your fat makes you look fat.

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why did the koala fall out of the tree? it was shot. why'd the second koala fall out of the tree? it was stapled to the first one. why'd the third koala fall out of the tree? it thought they were playing a game. why'd the refrigerator fall out of the tree? it thought it was a koala. why'd the man fall of his bike? it was hit by 3 koala's and a refrigerator.

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Why can't helen keller drive a car? Because she is a woman

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Why didn't the Mexican have a job? Because stereotypes made employers unjustly reluctant to hire a hard-working, competent man.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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