A guy walked into a bar, ouch.

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What happened to the man who poo'd too much? He started to eat less because his bowell movements started to cause him serious pain.

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Whats a dogs favorite thing to eat? Food.

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Put chromosomes in advertising. Because you know, Sex Cells

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what do u say when u steal something? STOLEN!!!!!!!!!

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Why couldn't the dumbass go to colledge? He couldn't open the door.

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Q: What do you call Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen. A: two things: Their names, and a doctor because they are both in need of a nutritionist.

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Q: How do you stop a hobo from stealing your money A: You steal the hobo

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roses are red violets are blue some poems are good and some don't

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was dead.

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Stranger at door: *Knock knock* Oliver Twist: Who's there? Stranger at door: Not your parents.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Why do you care?

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The man was so nice It's too bad he couldn't hear the bus coming.

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Knock knock, who's there? Your mom! Oh I'm comming.

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Whats the difference between 10 dead babies and 8 dead babies? 2 dead babies.

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If David has 40 chocolate bars and eats 35 what does David have now? Diabetes, David has diabetes.

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There are only three kind of people: people who can count and people that can't count

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Why did the chicken cross the road? to get to the gay's house. Knock knock. Who's there? The chicken.

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What's the difference between me and an animal? I'm human

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Q - What do you call a bunch of white people on a bench? A - The nba - Cool Bean

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A sociopath and his neighbors dog. He got one of those huge dogs the other day, and it took a crap on my lawn, so I put up a wanted poster 50000 dollars Wanted Dead Or Alive, and that dog smells and bites... It did not work, so I took my neighbor out hunting, I shot his dog, "Said sorry I thought it was a moose" He replied "did you have to shoot at him 15 times?" "I replied, I am out of ammo, but if you can borrow me some I can land a few extra..." Asshole got another dog, so we went out duck hunting, he asked me why I brought a hand grenade... "Land ducks, dog shaped non flying land ducks" Also I stole his office nametag and got naked and sat on a random office at his workplace and jacked off to porn, his boss showed up and said "Mr. Asswhipe, just because this is your office you are not allowed to get naked and uh... Watch... Uh private stuff here okay? I smirked and said "Dont worry Boss, its not my office!" I used glue to glue his nametag to my chest okay? He got yet another dog, I shot my neighbor, his dog starved to death, his wife was mourning and bought two dogs to comfort her. Thats okay, I just picked up both chiguguas at once and broke their neck in a single stroke, then I set fire to her house... The wind spread it on to mine... Fuck... I shot her and took her place, its the same as mine basically, just that there is a dead bitch I can fuck... I mean the woman, you think I am pervert or something? Besides you know... They are chiguguas, I mean i tried its... Its just not... You know... HEY RELAX THEY WHERE BOTH FEMALE OKAY? AND NO NOTHING FIT ANYWHERE SO I HAD TO CUT THEM OPEN AND... Moral of the story: Do not shoot the dog! Poor innocent animal! shot the owner, and then the poor innocent animal! NeroMetal, not the fucker that stole my moral system and name to make this site into some fucking cult thing... I do not cult, I you know... Kids... Dogs... Women... (I love them you fucking sicko) I give them candy (candy being my cock yeah you fellow sicko)

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A duck walks into a bar, guess what the bartender does............ GIVES HIM A SEAT AND 6 FREE SHOTS! But instead of that the bartender promptly escort the duck out considering the fact that in all bars there is a no animal and/or pet policy so the duck went... and commitid a series of loud noises before he got to a hotel and hung itself, that is what any depressed hungover duck would do.

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What did the brick say to the wall? Nothing, as they are both inanimate objects that lack knowledge and the sense to speak.

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A plane carrying an Englishman, an Irishman, and a Scotsman is destined to crash unless some weight is lost. First they drop the spare engine, but there is still too much weight. Then they drop the luggage, but still there is too much weight. All three men then jump out. The plane crashes anyway.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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