I'm Donald Trump! Wump wump wump! What's good for the goose Is good for the gander I'm Donald Trump!

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Why did the little girl cry in school? Because she remembered her parents were both in prison. She is in a state run foster academy.

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Why was the drunk man arrested? he beat his wife and was sentenced too 3 months in federal prison

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a duck walked up to a lemon aid stand and he said to the man running the stand... quack

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Once their was an ugly barnacle. He was sooooo ugly that everyone died! The end. :D

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Knock Knock Who's There Nobody Nobody Who?

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Q: What did the newborn dumpster baby say to the raccoon? A: Nothing. Newborn babies cannot talk.

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Whats red but smells like blue paint? Red paint

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Did you hear the one about the man who went into the jungle wearing nothing but leopard print underwear? He was suffering from psychogenic fugue disorder and had no idea who or where he was. He was eventually eaten alive by a flesh-eating centipede. When his wife found out, she committed suicide.

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A man dies on the operating table and finds himself in front of the Pearly Gates. St Peter looks at him and says " You are having a hallucination due to all the drugs they have given you and because your brain releases chemicals when you die. I am not real and there is not heaven or a god." Upon resuscitation the man contemplates his hallucination and becomes an Atheist.

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what did the farmer say when he lost his tractor ? I lost my tractor!

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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? The Mets.

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What do Barbra Streisand and Danny Glover have in common? Nothing.

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Pacient: Doctor Doctor i think im becoming a vegetable... because of my heriditory bone marrow mutation

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What did the black man say to his wife on valentines day? - You are fat

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Why didn't the Irishman walk into the bar? Beacause he had killed himself the previous night as a result of his alcoholism.

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There are two muffins in the oven. The first says to the other, "Its getting hot in here." The second, befuddled, replies, "AHH! A talking muffin!"

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#Divorced, beheaded and died! #Divorced, beheaded, survived! # He's Henry VIII, he had six sorry wives #Some might say he ruined their lives!!!!!!! #Catherine of Aragon was one. # She failed to give him a son #He had to ask her for a divorce. #That broke her poor heart of course. #Young Anne Boleyn, she was two #Had a daughter, the best she could do #He said she flirted with some other man #And off with the chop, went dear Anne! #Lovely Jane Seymour was three! #The love of his lifetime indeed! #She gave him a son #Little Price Ed #Then poor old Jane...went and dropped dead! #Divorced, beheaded and died! #Divorced, beheaded, survived! #He's Henry VIII, he had six sorry wives #Some might say he ruined their lives!!!!!!! #Anne of Cleeves came at four #He fell for the portrait he saw! #But laid eyes on her face, and cried #SHE'S A HORSE! I MUST HAVE ANOTHER DIVORCE! #Catherine Howard was five #A child of nineteen, so alive #She flirted with others, no way to behave #The AXE sent young Cath to her grave! #Catherine Parr, she was last #By then all his best days were past #He lay on his death bed, aged just fifty-five! #Lucky Catherine- the last stayed alive! #I mean, how unfair! #Divorced, beheaded and died! #Divorced, beheaded, survived! # He's Henry VIII, he had six sorry wives #You could say he ruined their lives!!!!!!! And the moral of the story is: Never buy a car without knowing it's background.

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Why did the police suspect a Hispanic man of theft? Because they found his fingerprints at the scene.

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What do you call a woman who can't walk? A paraplegic.

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Life is like a box of chocolates. Except it's not usually a rectangular or love heart shaped... nor does it contain small expensive assorted candy... life may not also contain nuts... or be devoured by our fellow human... Life is not like a box of chocolates

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A woman is hit by a car. Thankfully she manages to survive, but the driver is fined a lot of money for speeding.

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Why is 6 afraid of 7 because 7 is a escaped mental patient that thinks 6 betrayed him

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Reminding you of your religion. The army led by God attacked their foes at the mountains, yet had to flee because the enemy had plated steel wagons. Moral: Either God cant beat steel, or he was not there at all, its your call gents, because reading Ave Maria 50 times each time you sin, without reading the whole thing, does not even make you a Christian you FUCK (yes I can curse, you cannot)

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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