"Lassie, Lassie, come quick! Timmy is in the well!" "I'm a dog," replies Lassie. "You folks have ropes, ladders, and opposable thumbs. What the hell could I possibly do to help?" With that final act of disobedience, Lassie was turned into fertilizer.

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Who comes up with terrible jokes and then mentions the name of the person they are talking about like a bitch? Both of us, Dylan.

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Can a match box? No, but a tin can.

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Why did the horse stop running? His master beat him to death.

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Why didn't cancer cross the road? Because it was to busy taking my family.

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Harry to Voldemort: Your mother is so fat, her patronus is a cake!

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What's black and white and red all over? I don't know I asked you

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What did the cow say to the chicken? Moo. Moral: Cuckoo!

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How do you get santa to stop delivering presents? Kill your parents.

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I know how to make a brilliant telescope out of an empty jar, some leather, a string and a brilliant telescope.

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Why is it bad to have 10 blond girls in a closet at the same time? The closet is a very compacted space and one of them is a claustrophobic.

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It was at the war and there was a camp site where a doctors helped injured soldiers. One soldier comes in the door and holds his arm. The doctor says "You got shot in the arm?" He says yes. Then another soldier walks in the door and holding his shoulder. The doctor says "You got shot in the shoulder?" He says yes. Then another soldier walks in the door and was dragging his left leg across the floor. The doctor says "You got shot in your leg?" The soldier says "No, I stepped on dog shhhttt."

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When life throws you lemons, your first instinct is to make lemonade. Due to your severe lemon allergy, however, you will die within several minutes and therefore have no viable method of creating said lemonade. You die horribly and your death sparks a movement against the biological warfare of life.

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What did T Pain say to the skipper of his yacht? I'm on a yacht

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Q. What's short and black A. A little black kid

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Barak Obama, Justin Bieber, and Lindsey Lohan all jump out of a plane. all of their parachutes deploy. except Justin Bieberrs, he then dies of cancer

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The Oakland Raiders

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Why did the woman leave the kitchen? Because she was dead.

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what do you call a mexican in a coffee shop? a customer and/or worker in the coffee shop.

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What did the hobo get for Christmas? Hypothermia

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When writing haikus Sometimes, I miscount the syllables See, that line has eight.

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what did the ox say to his son when he left for collage? bison

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What's worse than finding out your dad has AIDS? Finding out your little brother also has it, but you and your mother don't.

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What hurts more than a bee sting? Child birth.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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