Why did Timmy fall off the swing? Because he had no arms Why did Suzie fall off the swing? Because I kicked her in face! Why didn't she get back up? Because she didn't have any friends!

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. HAHAHAHA I have control of you I don't enjoy that picture.

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a man walks off of a damn. a damn is not a noun, thus nobody can walk off it

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Chuck Norris was once approached by a woman for whom he had to fight a man to obtain all while doing a mundane activity in an unorthodox manner. He promptly declined for he is married and told the man he only fights for self-defense. He proceeded to put his pants on one leg at a time like everybody else.

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A girl and her family were walking by a cliff. Suddenly - due to a a part of the cliff falling away - her family fell over the edge and died. The girl ran to the bottom of the cliff and saw her family's body's strewn across the rocks, blood everywhere. She didn't have a phone on her and so could not call the police. She called over a man she saw in the distance. He asked "What's happened?". Just managing to stammer the words through her tears she said "My entire family fell off a cliff and died". The man unzipped his trousers and said "This really isn't your day is it love?"

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A duck walks up to a lemonade stand and says to the man nothing. Because It's a duck.

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- Mom, you have a banana in you ear. - What?

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What's worse then falling up the stairs? Ketchup

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What do you call a over weight woman? Fat bitch.

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How many cans does the average alcoholic drink in one night? None. Cans are solid and therefore cannot be drank.

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Knock Knock Who's There? Im Black Im Black Who Open The Door Now Pancakes Granted

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Whats the difference between Qantas and Malaysia Airlines? Qantas only looses money.

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What did the cow say to the other cow? Moo.

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Why did the man jump off the bridge. Because he found his beloved wife cheating on him with his life-long friend that he meet when they both where in pre-school.

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What's worse than getting a parking ticket? Getting Cancer.

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NO ONE LIKES YOU!!!!

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What makes Stephen Hawking such a lame scientist??? A: He has a debilitating disease, it's called ALS.

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Whats long,hard, and has c.u.m in ig? Cucumber....also my wiener

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Knock Knock Who's there? Your a slut

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Why did the Mexican jump the American border? Because he wanted a better paying job to support his family, and legal immagration to the States is a lengthy and highly difficult process.

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How do the american stop getting fat ? They don't.

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what did charlie sheen do when his ex wife insulted him? he horribly abused her

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Why is Bruce Wayne named Batman and Tim Drake named Robin? They wanted to hunt bats and robins whenever someone does something bad.

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What did the confused blonde girl ask to a nearby student? Nothing. She isn't supposed to chat because it's study hall and they enforce a strict "no talking" policy.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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