Life is like a box of chocolates. Except it's not usually a rectangular or love heart shaped... nor does it contain small expensive assorted candy... life may not also contain nuts... or be devoured by our fellow human... Life is not like a box of chocolates

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Two scientists walk into a bar. The first scientist says, "I'll have some H2O." The second scientist says, "I'll have H2O too." The bartender gives them both water, realizing that H2O2 is poisonous and that the second scientist must have simple worded his request poorly.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

A man is in a bar with a drink A lorry driver come in a gulp the guys drink down The man starts crying the lorry driver says"don't cry I will buy you another" The guy says "it's not that: Today I woke up late for work and when I finally got there my boss fired me so I get in my car to go home and it wont start so I walk home while it's raining and when I got in I found that my wife was sleeping with the gardener so I came down here and asked for some poison and you went and drank it"

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Person: kk Person1: did you just kk me? Person: no

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Why did the man tell the child to get into the van? They were late for a field trip.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Why did the man jump out of the plane? Because the plane was losing fuel fast so he grabbed a parachute and went for it and realized that was the only one left so everyone died a horrible death.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Why wasn't the black woman allowed on the bus? It was rush hour and the bus was full.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

What were the murderer's last words before he was put to death by electric chair? "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH UHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH NNNNNFHGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.................................................................................................................." He then defecated in his pants.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Why don't you ever stick your hand into the bottom of the jelly bean jar? Cuz' the black ones will steal your watch

thumb_up thumb_down -8

What do you call two black men sitting on the porch? Craig and Smokey

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Q:Whats the hardest part about eating a vegetable A:The Wheelchair

thumb_up thumb_down -8

¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯ ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ _________________________________________ That's a road. Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the idiot that made this joke, me. And what did the idiot do? He ate it with barley. There was food poisoning. Where did the idiot's vomit go? In yo poo.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Q: what's do the following sports have in common?: baseball, football, tennis, golf? A: They all have balls in their sport.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Q: What should you do when life gives you lemons? A: Life would never really give you lemons...

thumb_up thumb_down -8

How did the car get a dent? Terrorists bombed the house next to it

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Why did the black man have drugs? He had a very serious medical condition that involved putting himself at a high risk at any time without proper medications, therefore he requires drugs to sustain him and hopefully prevent him from dying. To immediately believe that he was in possession of illegal drugs is a very racist assumption that is representative of one of the numerous racial problems that faces our society today.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Roses are red Violets are blue, Sugar is sweet But i have commitment issues So I'd rather just be friends at this point in our relationship.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

why did the chicken cross the road. to get to the other side. but it didnt. ROADKILL

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Q. If you have 4 pencils and I have 7 apples, how many pancakes can we fit on the roof? A. Purple because aliens don't wear hats.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Why did the chicken cross the road? To get mowed down by a tractor

thumb_up thumb_down -8

what's worse than being attacked by a giant ant? being attacked by two giant ants

thumb_up thumb_down -8

What did Osama bin Laden say to Jesus? Nothing. He's in hell.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Q: What is sad about 4 people in a Cadillac driving over a cliff? A: You could have fit more.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

How do you make a little boy cry? Slap the cookie out of his hand.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops