What did the pirate say when his parrot died? Nothing. He was upset and didn't really feel like talking.

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What's brown and sticky? Shit.

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A man walks into a library and asks for a book on suicide. The librarian quickly picks out such a book and hands it to him, because to deny him the book would break the conventions of a library.

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I used to be an adventurer like you, but then I was raped by a giant scorpion...

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How do you kill an elephant? -With a gun? No, an elephant gun. How do you kill a red elephant? -With an elephant gun? No, with a red elephant gun. How do you kill a blue elephant? -WIth a blue elephant gun? No, you choke it until it turns blue and kill it with a red elephant gun. How do you kill a purple elephant? Theres no such thing as a purple elephant, thus contradicting the reality of performing a major act of animal abuse on it.

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Roses are red, violets are blue, whoever met you is a BIG fool

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teacher: what is your name? student: some people call me attractive (mx)

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What advice did the cat give to the man? Nothing because it's a cat.

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Two muffins are sitting in an oven. The first one turns to the second, and says nothing, because muffins can't talk. They then both die because the temperature in the oven was 370 degrees.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? He lost his punch line. -by Ross

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it was the most direct path to his destination.

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You know how I know you're gay? Because you came out to your close family and friends, who were all very respectful and accepting.

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A chicken walked into the bar...

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hello juliano and guss. having fun?

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What's the difference between a pizza and a girl? I've stuck my penis in a pizza

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You wanna hear a joke? The 19th amendment. Just kidding, women are actually a very valued part of our society. Just kidding again.

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What is worse than a papercut? Losing your legs in Vietnam.

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what is black and blue and hates sex? the ten year old in my trunk.

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What did the little girl buy for her cat? A box to bury him in.

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What's green, yellow, and red? A traffic light

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You just sunk my battleship! 5,000 people just perished at the bottom the ocean in a war for pointless political reasons.

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Two elephants were out flying. Then one elephant said to the other: My grandmother has a pink toothbrush!

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Yo mama's so white that she has to use lots of sunscreen to prevent from getting sunburned.

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Why is Stevie Wonder always smiling? Because he's usually in a good mood.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops