A guy walks up to his boy and tells him, "Hey, if you don't stop masturbating you'll go blind." The boy says, "Who are you? Your not my father."

What's worse than eating poop for your whole life? Nothing really, you've got serious problems if you have another option...

What did one hand say to the other? Nothing, you fool, hands don't talk.

Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have Alzheimer's, Roses are red.

In my eyes Nero, you are much like a philosopher, the kind which are mocked while they live, and then a couple thousands years later, are recognized as the most intelligent beings of their time.

Once soon a time there was a boy named steven. He dropped his ice cream because... You know the rest

Why did Mary fall off the swing? She had no arms. Knock Knock. Who's there? Not Mary.

Read in a Jersey accent: SOOOOOO my friend __________ saw this coffee shop in new jersey! He was like.... i love coffee why dont they give it to me for free???? The man at the coffee shop Killed me! that is why coffee is not free!

You do realize that in my home dimension of earth, I am just lying in the sun, typing on the goddamn laptop right? I mean are you retarded OR SOMETHING? I AM THE GODDAMN MORAL MAN! Moral: Honestly though, If I where like running around shouting this, I... Would begin to get slightly worried...

What do you get if you cross a river with a cat? Wet.

What was in the magical purple teapot? Two dying pelicans.

pobody's nerfect

how do you kill an African baby ? put it in the microwave for roughly 45 minutes

A chicken crosses the road... Gets fined for jaywalking.

A woman wears a dress.

Q: What did the police officer tell the man without a shirt on? A: Put a shirt on.

A man walks into a bar and the barman says "Why the long face?" And the man replies "I am severely deformed".

What starts with F and ends with UCK? FUCK

What's black and white and red all over? A black, white, and red shirt.

How do you stop a car from hitting a kid? You don't.

Roses are Red And sometimes yellow My mother is mellow I have terminal cancer. I also fisted my grandpa's anus last night

Knock Knock I have a f*cking doorbell you asshole

How many plumbers does it take to unscrew a lightbulb? Plumbers don't do that. Electricians do.

Whats green, has four legs, and falls out of a tree? A Pool Table. Use your imagination.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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