"What's wrong?" "I can't fap." "Why not?" "Because I saw your face."

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what do you call a professional gamer Their name

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You can go out to eat without posting it on Facebook.

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When Gronkowski spikes the ball, 20 children die.

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Roses are red, Viiolets are blue, Get in the gas chamber, You dirty Jew.

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What did the cat say to the towel? Meow.

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Why did the black guy buy a bucket of KFC? Because he was hungry

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While running away a burgular cut his hand on a piece of glass. He fell to the ground bleeding like crazy. What did the police say when he saw the burgular? You've been caught red handed.

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roses are reddish voilets are blueish if it weren't for christmas we'd all be jewish

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A little boy who was sleeping in his parent's bed woke up in the middle of the night only to discover his mother performing fellatio on his father. "Mommy, mommy," he said . . . except he didn't. He said nothing, and the incident troubled him deeply for many years.

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Why did the girl fall of the swings? Because she has no arms.

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when the zombie apocolypse comes what do you do? you die

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You wanna know what's totally out of this world? The moon.

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A german walks into a London Pub. He turns to the man on his left and says, " Hallo Kolleginnen und dort bar Mäzen. Ich bin gespannt zu sehen, ob wir eine Beziehung herzustellen, wie ich gesucht Gespräch, als ich in der wunderbaren Kultur, die London zu bieten hat. Ist das in Ordnung mit dir? Heil Hitler"

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Q: What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in the seat next to you? A: Whatever his name happens to be.

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Why can't the Mexican float? He never learned the proper technique as he was not allowed to take swim class.

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Two muffins are in an oven. They procede to bake at 325 degrees for thirty minutes.

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A handless Asian boy was riding his bike through the park with some friends. One of his friends puts his arms in the air and yells "Look! No hands!" The handless boy rides his bike home, crying and thinking about how one day he would like to say, "Look! No hands!" without people getting nauseous.

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What do Whitney Houston and MTV have in common? They both REALLY died in the 90's.

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Q: Why God never got a PhD? A: 1. He had only one major publication. 2. It was written in Aramaic, not in English. 3. It has no references. 4. It wasn't even published in a refereed journal. 5. There are serious doubts he wrote it himself. 6. It may be true that he created the world, but what has he done since then? 7. His cooperative efforts have been quite limited. 8. The Scientific community has had a hard time replicating his results. 9. He unlawfully performed not only Animal, but *Human* testing. 10. When one experiment went awry, he tried to cover it by drowning his subjects. 11. When subjects didn't behave as predicted, he deleted them from the sample. 12. He rarely came to class, just told his students to read the book. 13. Some say he had his son to teach the class. 14. He expelled his first two students for learning. 15. Although there were only 10 requirements, most of his students failed his tests. 16. His office hours were infrequent and usually held on a mountain top.

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why couldn't jimmy play on the swings at recess.. Because he's been dead for 5 years

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What did the fish say when he swam into the wall? DAM!

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How do you stop your golf ball from hitting a goose? You dont.

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What did Valerie get for her birthday? Nothing. Because no one loves her

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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