What do you call a cat that growls? A cat

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What's the difference between a guy who sees the glass half empty and a guy who sees the glass half full? The first guy is happier because his tables tip more than the second guy's.

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Roses are red Violets are blue ... Uhhhh I don't think anyone knows the rest of this!!!!!!

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One day, an Irishman, a Jew and an American were walking home from a long game of golf. "God, that was a long game" said the American, to which the Irishman replied "aye, that it was." The Irishman then turned to the Jew, and asked him how he managed to get two birdies in succession. The Jew, after a moment of deliberation, began to explain. "Well, it all began when I was six. See, there was a mountain right next to Casparia, the village I lived for most of my life back in Wales. Every day, I'd come back from school, and ask my dad why nobody ever attempted to scale the mountain. 'To do so would be an unnecessary risk, son, and people are too busy working to put food and water on the tables for their families to undertake something so foolish.' One night, when insomnia was getting the better of me, I decided to get a better look at the mountain, so I strapped on my boots, my fur coat and some woolly mittens and left for the mountain. After a few hours of walking, I approached the closest hill which gave me a perfect view of the mountain's first peak, and there I spotted a polar bear, mauling a hiker to death." The Jew paused to check the Irishman and the American were following, when the American spoke up; "hold on there, there aren't any polar bears in Casparia!" The Irishman also spoke up; "there isn't even a village called Casparia, well, anywhere!" The Jew smiled slightly, and a few seconds later the smile broke out into a gigantic grin, and he finally replied: "exactly".

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Your mama is so fat. Just look at her.

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What do you get when you cross a chicken and a turkey? Just a sort of mixed bird thing.

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Walking down a cold, lonely, deserted street is a 10 year old who lost her parents. she has with her in plain sight her fathers wallet, so full of cash that it is literally too full. all of a sudden, a black man with a gum jumps out from around the corner. he then proceeds to mug her and shoot her. thanking the man for playing cops with her using finger guns, she goes home with a new coffee mug and a stick of gum. she died three days later from unrelated incidents.

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A man is at the dentists. The dentists says, "Oh my, your teeth are terrible!" The man says, "Yes I know. I am addicted to Meth".

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What do you say to a homeless man sat in a train station? That there is a homeless shelter around the corner.

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What did the homeless man say to the man who gave him change? “Mmmm I sure do love pocket lint”

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what's better than winning the special olympics? -not being retarded

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Three women are seen walking while having ice cream. One of them is licking the ice cream. Another is sucking the ice cream, and the other one is biting the ice cream. One of these women is married. Which one is married? The one that has a wedding ring on her finger.

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Why did the airplane crash? The pilot was a tomato!!

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did Michael Jackson touch children ? yes of course. otherwise he would have been an absolutely terrible father

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How come Asian's are so clever? Their baby food is blended textbook paste.

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[Set up] [No punch line]

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What do you call 10 old black people in a barn? Used farm equipment

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What is white, average height and cannot jump as high as a black man? A fridge.

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Roses are red, The grass is greener, Every time i'm with you, I touch my wiener.

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Like this if you want people to stop asking to have their jokes liked.

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what is the biggest lie I have read and agree to the Terms of Service

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I once met a man named Steve. I said, "Hello."

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Yo mama's so fat that after her enima, she looked skinny and rather nice

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Why did the retarted kids head get stuck in the window? It was a very small window

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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