An Australian man walking in Manhattan is approached by another man who pulls out a switchblade and says, "give me your wallet or I'll stab you with this knife!" The Australian man hands over his wallet. A nearby police officer witnesses this the last moment of the mugging, arrests the criminal and returns the Australian's belongings.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

how do you get rid of diahreah? Shove pepto bismo up your butt.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Riddle me this, riddle me that. I'll eat your f^cking cat.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

-What's the difference between a pizza and a Jew -The pizza doesn't experience many years of hardship and social belittlement at the hands of a dictator in need of a scapegoat to support radical ideas.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

A black man walks in to a 7 Eleven with a gun in his left pocket. He innocently walks over to the place where they keep all the hostess treats, and decides to purchase a pack of crumb donuts. The gun was purely for self defense, it was a bad neighborhood.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Roses are red violets are blue... Only not really. Actually light is reflected off them and these colors show up soo....

thumb_up thumb_down -14

What's worse than a worm in your holocaust? An apple.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Why couldn't Jack and Jill climb the hill? Because they were bagels.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

-You know what will always get people fighting? -Hey, you wanna fight?

thumb_up thumb_down -14

You wanna see something really scary?

thumb_up thumb_down -14

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead are all on a deserted island with no food or water. The redhead decides to try and swim to safety, but after a few hours of swimming she becomes to tired to carry on and drowns. After knowing their friend died, the two other women decide that swimming is not a viable option for rescue, so they decide to stay on the island. A few days later a search party rescues them.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

What's brown and sticky? A stick.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

A brunette, a blond and a red-head decide to go swimming in a lake. To prepare, they go shopping together to get some new bikinis. When they get to the shop they are pleased to find that the bikinis are on sale and they get them 50% off. They drive with their new swimwear to the lake and get changed in the changing room. When they get out they notice that it is quite cold. They decide to go swimming anyway. They notice that the lake is dirty. They decide to go swimming anyway. They notice the lake is actually a spill of oil. They decide to go swimming anyway. They remember that none of them can swim. They decide to go swimming anyway. They jump in. They drown.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

The worst part of waking up, Is no Folgers in your cup.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Q: How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart? You don't. You just shut up and listen.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

2 people lived next door to each other. The man said "hi" and so did the other man. What is wrong with this situation. Nothing, just friendly neighbors.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

"Lets begin, tell me about yourself," "ok, well first I'm a open book and..." "ok next" "why?" "I fucking hate books!"

thumb_up thumb_down -14

How did the hairless cat brush its hair? It could not, it was hairless. Also, cats do not have opposable thumbs, making it near impossible to do such a thing.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

ROSES ARE RED VILOTS ARE BLUE I HOPE YOU KNOW IM A JEW

thumb_up thumb_down -14

A hooker walks into a bar. She orders a few drinks and leaves. She's a man.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

What did God tell Moses to deliver to the Hebrews? Nothing, God doesn't exist.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire? Lawyers exist, are alive and despite all claims to the contrary, can withstand sunlight, garlic and the sign of the cross. They also have reflections and whilst they may eat black pudding from time to time they don't depend on blood as a source of nutrition.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Why bouriquet laugh ? cause hes mom get hit by a bus.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

What did dyslexic Old McDonald say? . . . I have a learning disability that impairs my fluency and comprehension accuracy in being able to read and spell

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops