What's purple and tastes like grapes? Grapes

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How do you make a plumber cry? You steal his princess

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How did the blonde die? She got swallowed whole by a 1,000-foot scorpion.

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Why did Hitler kill himslef? He saw his gas bills.

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People with Alzheimers will not remember this joke

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Where would it be hard to find handicapped parking? At the paralympics.

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Why did the man go to the hospital Because he was hurt

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How do you get a bunch of baby guts out of a bathtub? A lot of tostitos.

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What do you call it when Justin Bieber has sex with a woman? Sex

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Two reporters walk into Tah rir Square. Both are abused and that's sad.

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How much wood would a wood-chuck chuck, If a wood chuck could chuck wood? A full study has never been commissioned into the amount of wood chucked by a groundhog and thus far remains an unknown quantity. ls

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what is similar between a turtle losing its shell, and a man selling his chlothes and house? they are now both naked and homeless

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i threw my line in the toilet the fishing was pretty shity that day

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"Knock, knock!" "Who's there?" "The police." "'The police', who?" "Sir, come out of your domicile with your hands up and no weapons present. You've just gone to an orphanage and massacred almost every nun who's worked there for almost five years. Not only that, but your son has also contracted AIDS from his previously lesbian girlfriend whom she has lost her mother too in the orphanage accident you've just caused."

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How do you get a chicken to cross the road? Get him in the other side

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Roses are red Violets are blue I have a gun Get in the van

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A cricket walks into a bar and the bartender says,"Hey, we have a drink named after you!' and the cricket says,"Oh really? You have a drink named Joe?"

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this last joke was a correction to the other one

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Racist Math Ahmed is on a train from D.C to New York the train is traveling at 125 mph. the distance between New York and D.C is 250 miles. How many will die in the blast.

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knock knock? whose there? i dont know. i dont know who? i dont know.

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21 Ways to Annoy Everybody 1) Pretend to be one of the Bush family. Doesn't matter which. 2) Have an uncontrollable lusting for someone else every five minutes. 3) Pretend to be from different ethnic backgrounds every hour, and when people ask you about it, answer like a hillbilly would. 4) Act like a hillbilly. Period. 5) Improvise Italian operas. 6) Gossip about someone to their face. 7) Answer every question with a question. 8) Repeat yourself constantly. 9) Act like a member of the opposite sex. 10) Repeat yourself constantly. 11) Act like Mr. Flanders from The Simpsons. 12) Repeat yourself constantly. 13) Change what you repeat every now and then. 14) Use homonyms in your e-male that the spell cheque would knot sea as miss steaks. 15) Change what you repeat every now and then. 16) Talk to someone while looking at somebody else. 17) Employ in your casual banter extensive vocabulary that will befuddle thy contemporaries. 18) Change what you repeat every now and then. 19) One word: Caffeine. 20) Another word or two: Caffeine and Sugar. 21) stringwhateveryousayintoonelongwordsoitshardtomakeoutwhatyou'resaying.

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Q: Why didn't i save my work? A: Because i didn't do any work?

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Why was six afraid of seven? Because seven kind of looked like an alligator.

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What do you call a secret agent that lives in a bottle of washing up liquid? Bubble-0-7

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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