Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

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What's the difference between a Mexican and a bench? One is a structure used to support sitting people, the other is a human being native to Mexico.

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A patient goes to the doctor. The doctor says I have bad news and even worse news. The patient says "What's the bad news?" The doctor says "You only have 24 hours to live." The patient says "Oh my gosh what could possibly be worse than that?!" The doctor says "Well...we've been trying to contact you since yesterday..."

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why did they make a new iphone? because individuals like to be connected to local and world wide media so they can stay in touch with all news, friends and family.

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How did Jesus walk on water? Jesus is God in the form of a man, and he is the only human being ever with the ability to perform miracles

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Its a long story, I got two balance nerves, I technically got four ear drums (relax you cant see it nor anything,neither can doctors without weird unpleasant stuff), I got about twice the number of synapses as regular people, and well, that makes me pretty damn good at some things, and a total retard at others.

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What's the difference between cat and a watermelon? One is fun to hit with a sledgehammer. The other is a watermelon.

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Tom buys his wife Mary the latest Eco friendly car. The car is said to get well over 100 miles on a tank of gas. A week later, Tom is stunned to learn that while Mary was driving to the supermarket the car ran out of gas. The tank was full and Mary only drove 5 miles. How is this possible? Mary was involved in a horrible car accident. The gas tank immediately emptied and set fire to Mary and her baby.

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Why did the bird fall out of the sky, It hit one of the random green pipes.

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What is worst than 1 baby dead in a microwave? 2 babies dead in the same microwave !

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Two cannibals are eating a clown one turns to the other and asks "does this taste funny to you?" The other cannibal says " yeah because the clown has been dead for weeks."

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You can go out to eat without posting it on Facebook.

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a black man walks into a shop for an interview....everyone gets afraid and hides behind there desk..when the black man wonders why they are scarred he says "I'm here for the interview"...they all tell him to leave because on his resume he put his name as john...they thought he was white....

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What's the same between a bike and a duck? They both have wheels. Except for the duck.

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a duck walked up to a lemon aid stand and he said to the man running the stand... quack

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What did Justin beiber get for Christmas? A dildo.

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A white, black, jewish, and hispanic person apply for a job as an accountant who gets the job? One of them.

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the nintendo 3ds is being released this week. its the first 3d portable gaming device that doesnt require glasses, also known as a ball...

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why did the chicken cross the road? it didnt it got hit by a bus.

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i 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.................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................... ME

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Why was six afraid of seven? He wasn't. that joke is just a way to convince you that seven is a scary number.

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Why didn't the black man go to work? He had to attend his sister's funeral, who just recently passed away after her long hard battle with breast cancer.

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Man: Hey honey! you look mighty fine today! Want to go play some lax? Woman: I'd love to! Thanks babe! Man: Just kidding you are a woman.

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roses are red violets are blue , but i would't know that because u never bring me flowers, you bastard .

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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