A duck walks into a bar. The duck walks over to the bartender and orders a beer. "put it on my bill." he says. The bartender angrily grabs the duck and kicks him out of the bar, because the duck has done this many times, but has never once paid his bill to the bar. The duck is an alcoholic and is slowly ruining his relationship with his family.

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A professor of literature asked me, "Young Sir, why are you burning those books?" I replied, "Because I need a fire to cremate the bones of your 3 sisters that I violently raped and murdered" He smirked in a witty and arrogant fashion, until raising his head and saying, "Bond, James Bond" He continued to massage his dick with his own pubic hairs before collapsing and dying

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Why did the monkey cross the road? It didn't. It died!

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What did the cake say to the icing? Come here

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Why can't Helen Keller drive? She is both blind and deaf, and doing so would put others in danger.

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What did the little boy say to a stranger? Nothing. He is very shy, and his parents always said to never talk to strangers.

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What has an orange t shirt A dick I lied about the shirt

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What did the elf say to Santa I'm not making any more toys fat ass.

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Unconventional thinking Something else out of one: So sometimes I feel there is something I want right? But I don't feel like I deserve it yet or i hesitate although I fucking want it So I go home, decide to take my time before I decide to buy it, and sit my ass on a chair covered with spikes until I decide it is time to get it, Moral 1: You want to take the better decision but don't feel time is right? Some spikes up your ass is not only the perfect way to change your mind, but in this case an excellent metaphor to why you want to keep doing whats best for you. Moral best: Think if you could get all that time you spent hesitating back, would that not be awesome? What if you just stop hesitating now? Would that not be aweso... Go fuckyourself... Nerometal Fuck Neronism... Cool name though

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A blind man walks into a book store. He asks if they have any books in Braille. The employee says "Yes! Many you haven't even seen before!"

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What's the difference between Neil Armstrong and Michael Jackson? Neil Armstrong was the first man to walk on the moon, whereas Michael Jackson was a singer.

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Roses are red Violets are blue My walls are yellow

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knock knock who's there? your mom your mom who? I'm sorry to tell your mom is dead :.(

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Lol... (wow you made me type lol), "like it is nothing to be ashamed of?" Your eyes are really beautiful, honestly probably the most beautiful eyes I have seen... And no, I am not talking about your bewbs.

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LAST COMMENT? DISGUSTIIIING! NO YOU TAKE IT!

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Q: What is the scariest thing ever? A: Child Birth.

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Knock Knock! Who's there? Sex! Sex Who? Sex with me. BOOM!

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A man walks into a bar and orders a beer. His family is struggling financially and his children are severely malnourished. If he wasn't an alcoholic, he could afford healthcare for his family and move into a better neighborhood. But he's not, so they will die a long, painful death.

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Why did George shaw fall off the swin?. Because he got a bowl thrown at his head

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Whats the difference between a monkey and a baby? Eating a baby tastes better with saltines.

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Why is it so hard to cook vegetables? The wheel chair won't fit in the oven.

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If it bothers you? I am just saying that, fucking alright ill be slightly less cruel, I mean come on! It does not matter shit what others think! If someone ever tries to assault you because you are associated with me (yeah it happens), I will stand in front of you and KILL (and possibly rape) THEM!

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The closest I've been to an animal charity was when I walked past it to by myself a fur coat

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Roses are red violets are blue you better run I see you

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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